Daddy Dearest
By Gaeriel Mallory

The common room was deserted through the fire was still burning merrily away. Louis and I sat together before it, quietly talking and sharing a glass of ambrosia. It had been a good night for the two of us. He had returned from his highwayman activities with enough gold and good cheer to buy a round of drinks for the entire tavern. I had ended the night with a hat so heavy I had to use both hands to carry it. All in all, very satisfactory on the financial front.

I should have remembered the number two rule of the universe: When good things happen, eventually the bad will find you again, though the reverse is not necessarily true. (The number one rule of the universe being, of course, ‘don’t bother sleeping creatures that are more than double your size and are none too pleasant on the best of days.’ I learned that one the hard way.) For as Louis and I were moving away from mundane talk and gossip to more interesting romantic sweet-nothings, a front door (I had locked it—I swear!) banged open and in shuffled in a figure covered head to toe in a heavy black cloak. He stomped snow off of his boots and threw back his hood. Looking around the room, he stretched and carelessly kicked the door shut with his foot.

He sat down wordlessly at a table and peered around him. He was tall and looked to be fairly muscular under his cloak. A luxuriant white beard covered the lower-half of his unlined face and sparkling blue eyes peered intelligently at me.

“We’re closed, sir,” I said politely, “but we’ll be open again tomorrow night. I’m afraid we’re the only ones awake now; everyone else has gone to bed.”

He waved a hand lazily through the air. “No worries, my dear. I don’t mind—I’m quite content just to sit here. You two go back to your own business and don’t mind me.”

Louis frowned. “Now, sir, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave. We’re not open and the only ones who should be here are those who work here. I’m quite certain that does not include you.”

The stranger studied Louis solemnly and nodded. “Well, I will take my leave of this place when you do the same. Unless I’m mistaken, which I never am, you are not an employee of this place and the only service you provide is for this young lady here.”

Louis blinked in shock and I quickly placed a restraining hand on his arm. “Look, I don’t know who you are and I don’t really care. But if you don’t leave now, I’ll have to go wake up the owner and I promise you don’t want to deal with her if she hasn’t gotten enough sleep.”

He smiled pleasantly and leaned back against the table, crossing his arms over his chest. “You do so, little singer. I can assure you that I am quite capable of dealing with Samm at her worst.”

I exchanged looks with Louis. He shrugged and lifted an eyebrow at me. “Man has a death wish,” he muttered under his breath. I sighed and got to my feet, shooting a glare at the stranger who only nodded cheerfully back at me. Grinding me teeth, I went upstairs, steeling myself against Samm’s wrath at being woken up. Remember universal rule number one? It applies equally, if not more so, to Amazons as well.

Samm was extremely unhappy with me and growled a few curses my way that made my ears burn. After I told her about the current issue sitting calmly downstairs, her eyes gleamed in anticipation as she slid into her robe. I silently chuckled to myself; I probably would have felt some semblance of pity for the odd stranger except he had essentially ruined the moment between me and my handsome red-haired bandit.

I followed Samm downstairs, bumping my nose rather painfully against her back when she suddenly stopped at the bottom. I peered around her and spied the stranger standing facing us, arms open in welcome.

“Dad?” Samm gasped in shock.

Smiling benignly, the white-haired man stepped forward and embraced my stunned boss. “Hello, my darling.”

I imagine I was doing a remarkable impression of a landed fish—I know Louis was.

Over Samm’s shoulder, the stranger winked mischievously at me. He let go of his daughter and stepped back. “Well, Samm, aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends?”

She shook her head and blinked as if to ensure herself of the reality of the situation. She walked forward into the common room and sat down shakily on a bench. When she made no sign that was going to speak, I cleared my throat hesitantly. “I’m Anne,” I said, holding out my hand. I blushed fiercely when instead of shaking it he bent down and kissed my knuckles gently.

Louis stepped forward, his own hand outstretched and eyes glaring in warning. “Scarlet Louis,” he introduced himself stiffly as the stranger released my hand to grasp his.

“Well met,” he answered mildly. “I’m Samm’s father.” He paused for a dramatic moment before continuing on, “but most people know me as Zeus.”

I knew he had gotten the reaction he had been looking for when his grin widened.

Samm by this time had managed to recover her free will from the jaws of shock. She stood up and moved over to where the three of us were gathered. Tightening the tie on her robe and squaring her shoulders, she looked Zeus in the eye. “Most people consider it polite to not drop in unannounced during the middle of the night, Dad.”

“Darling, you know conventional rules don’t apply to me.” He patted Samm on the head, ignoring her outraged look. “Now,” he said, spinning around and looking about him, “where will I be staying? I don’t expect much; almost anything would be fine though I would prefer a private bath with heated water.”

Samm pursed her lips. “Is there something wrong with your own bed on Mount Olumpus?”

He looked slightly embarrassed, or as embarrassed as it was possible for a god to look. “Your step-mother and I have had a little disagreement. I thought it politic to find elsewhere to spend the night.”

“Meaning Hera found out about another one of your rolls in the hay and banished you to the couch, metaphorically of course seeing as you are here and not on said couch.” Samm, if anything, looked even less pleased. “Well you can go find somewhere else to sleep tonight. I refuse to put you up because you’re too stubborn to go and apologize to your wife for being an ass.”

Zeus gave her a pained look. “Would you throw your own father out on the street on a night like this? It’s snowing outside!”

Samm lifted an eyebrow in disbelief. “Snow? In Greece?”

“I actually came here from Norway. Wanted to see if Odin would put me up for a bit but he had Thor show me to the door.”

“You should be so lucky here. Just because by some freak chance it was your sperm that fertilized my mother does not mean that I harbor any paternal affections in my heart for you. Far from it, in fact. Mom was ostracized by the tribe for years after she had me. And things were not helped along when Hera decided to pay her little visit when I was seven.”

“Samm, there is nowhere else for me to go. You’re my last hope; I’m persona non grata currently on Olympus—no one wants to get on Hera’s bad side. And I’ve already asked your mortal brothers and sisters but they all said no. I even tried down in Egypt but Horus had the nerve to laugh at me when I told him why I needed a place to stay.”

A god begging is more of a pitiful sight than you would think. I could see Samm’s wall of resistance cracking. “One night,” she ground out reluctantly.

Zeus hugged her. “Beautiful Samm,” he crowed. “You were always my favorite child. I knew I could count on you.”

Louis and I looked at each other and shrugged. After Samm and Zeus had headed upstairs, we sat down at the table we had vacated. I leaned forward and grabbed the poker, stirring the logs gently. “So now we know why Samm’s on such good terms with so many gods.”

Louis sighed and rested an arm around my waist. “I don’t know why this surprised me so much,” he remarked softly. “You would think that I would be immune to all surprises Samm can spring on me.”

I smiled and nestled my head on his shoulder. “I wonder just how long he will be staying. I know Samm only said one night...”

“But I fear it shall be much longer.” Louis kissed the top of my head and we both contemplated the fire in silence.

The next night, we opened Photon’s and Zeus showed no inclination to leave. Samm kept looking over at him sitting at the bar and laughing with some of the costumers. I thought the frown on her face would be carved there forever, it was that deep.

Uncle Rupert came in about an hour after opening and came over to where Louis and I were sitting. “So who’s the big guy?” he asked curiously.

“Zeus,” I answered at the same time Louis said, “Samm’s father.”

My uncle stared at the two of us in shock and then turned in his seat and looked at Zeus. “Good lord,” he muttered. “Samm’s father?”

“Not that I would claim him if I had the choice,” the Amazon declared grumpily as she sat down next to Uncle Rupert. “Why did I ever agree to let him stay?” she wailed, letting her head fall onto the table.

Uncle Rupert reached over and placed a hand on her shoulder. “There now, Samm, it can’t be that bad. Lord knows that there are relatives of mine that I would rather not acknowledge blood ties to.” He looked over at me and smiled. “No offense to you, niece.”

I grinned back. “None taken, uncle.” I looked over at Samm and gave her a sympathetic look. “You can kick him out tonight if he doesn’t leave,” I suggested. “I know Telrondil is more than willing to help just to get your father to stop flirting with Elizabeth.”

“But he’s my father,” Samm sighed. “And despite my better judgment, I consistently give in to him every time he asks for something. Do you know that I once let one of his lovers stay here because he needed someplace to hide her from Hera?” She threw her hands up in the air. “I’m hopeless.”

“We all have our weaknesses.” Louis pushed over his ale and nodded to it. “Drink up, lass. It’ll make you feel a little better.”

Samm did. “Thanks,” she told the highwayman. She sighed and slumped down, elbows on the table. “I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop,” she confided in us. “Whenever he,” she jerked her head towards where Zeus was holding court, “shows up, more trouble is never far behind. Last time it was the poor girl’s father who tried to run me through with a pitchfork. The time before that, it was some god from another belief system he managed to piss off by seducing his wife or something.” She covered her eyes with her hands. “Someone put me out of my misery and castrate him already.”

Rupert pulled her into his arms and patted her back. He started making soothing noises and I turned to look at Zeus. “How do you think we can get him out of here?” I murmured to Louis.

“Do you know how to kill a god?” he answered back.

“I wish.” I sipped my drink slowly as I thought about ways to get our latest nuisance out of Photon’s Crossing. “How about a reconciliation with Hera?”

Louis stared at Zeus. “Might work. The question is how to do that. None of us except Samm can leave. Though,” he added looking at the Amazon, “it does look like a short vacation might do her some good.”

“Heads up.” He warned us. Zeus had finished his drink and was making his way across the room to where we were sitting.

“So, Samm darling, is this your special friend?” He flashed a knowing smile at Uncle Rupert. “A little old for you darling, isn’t he? Not to mention a little boring looking.”

Both Samm and I glared at him but Uncle Rupert only looked back calmly at the god. “I’ve never had any complaints from her,” he answered mildly. “Just because I look boring doesn’t mean that I necessarily am once the lights go out.”

I was doing my fish impression again and Samm blushed pink. Zeus roared with laughter and slapped my uncle on the back. Uncle Rupert’s eyes bugged out a little bit but there was no other outward sign that he was staggered. “Good man, good man,” Zeus said between laughs. “Glad you found a man who can keep up with you,” he told Samm.

I buried my face into Louis’s shoulder and tried to wipe the very-bad-no-good-too-much-information pictures from my brain that had formed during the course of this exchange. When I looked up again, I got the sinking feeling that rule number two had not yet released its hold on us. Walking through the door was a dark-haired woman who looked less than happy. She spied our table and made her way over.

Zeus jumped at the hand that appeared on his shoulder. “There you are,” the woman said testily. “You know, it’s all well and good for you to leave but the rest of us still have to deal with Hera’s temper.”

“Athena? What are you doing here?” The god’s eyes were bewildered.

“Bringing you home. I’ve had enough of this—we all have. Congratulations, Zeus. You’ve managed to do what no one else has done before: unite all the Olympian gods under one cause. I was elected to bring you back and force a reconciliation between you and Hera. And you make sure this one sticks because we’re all damned tired of these little tiffs. You keep your libido in check and we won’t stage a coup and throw you in some dark pit of Hades.”

“But—but—but—You can’t!” he wailed. He banged a fist against the table, rattling the mugs on it. “I’m Zeus, king of the gods. You can’t force me to do anything.”

Athena leaned in close and lowered her voice. “You overthrew your father and killed him. Don’t think that can’t happen again, daddy.” Her hand tightened on his shoulder and he winced. “Now, why don’t you head on home? Ares and Poseidon are waiting right outside the door to help make sure you don’t stray on your way back to Olympus. If neither of us come out in ten minutes, they’re both coming in here and taking you by force.”

Zeus slowly got to his feet. “Well, Samm, it looks like I have to cut my visit short,” he said reluctantly. “We must do this again sometime.”

“Don’t rush yourself,” she told him sweetly. She nodded to Athena. “The next time you come here, have a drink on the house.”

The goddess nodded back in return and winked as soon as Zeus’s back was turned. “Next time, sister.” The two clasped hands and Athena escorted Zeus to the door.

Samm sat back. “Well, who would have seen that one? Hera must have thrown one hell of a temper tantrum to have managed this.”

I nudged Louis with my elbow and leaned forward. “Amazing,” I said, nodding, glad that my prediction regarding rule number two had been wrong. I then fixed both Samm and my Uncle Rupert with a stern look. “Now, about this business between the two of you. I thought it was just the one time.”

Both of them flushed and looked at anything but me or each other. “Well,” my Uncle Rupert began, “we have an arrangement.” He flashed me a glare. “Not that it’s any of your business, young lady. After all, I don’t say a word about you and Louis.” He looked fiercely at the grinning highwayman.

Louis took my hand. “What can I say,” he replied. “Anne and I, we have an arrangement as well.” He winked at me while deftly stealing my drink and draining it. 

--finis--

Review