STAR WARS CHICKS: EPISODE II

VAMP GIRL STRIKES BACK!

By Gaeriel

*     *     *

Well, Carinae gave me permission to write Episode II of the SWC Saga. Now, this one isn't as funny as the original, because I couldn't figure out a way to work in humor. Bear in mind, I'm just setting up the story so hopefully, it'll get better. Hope you all enjoy it.

Gaeriel
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***CHAPTER ONE***

Dracula looked around his new castle. Ever since that pesky demon hunter had chased him out of his old place, he had spent a short eternity looking for a new damp, dark hole to nest in. And as anyone knows, no damp, dark hole is complete without furniture. He frowned at the empty spot against the wall.

"Damn. I need a couch."

But he knew just who to call. He walked over to the comconsole (he was a very high-tech vamp) and dialed a number. "Trans-dimensional call to Lor-alla Arki, please," he requested to the operator in his distinct Transylvanian accent.

He smiled, showing off decidedly pointed fangs.

* * *

The comconsole blinked, rousing Boba Fett out of his rest. "Lor!" he called. "Come untie me!"

Lor-alla appeared in the doorway, box of matches in one hand and knife in the other. She pouted. "Now, why would I do that? You wouldn't let me kill that guy!"

"Professional courtesy. Our employer said no disintegrations. But if you untie me, I'll let you have the next job all to yourself. You can do it your way, and I'll just stand in the background, holding a really big gun and look menacing."

She thought it over and nodded. "Done." She used her knife to saw through the ropes.

Fett stood up. "Good. Now answer the com. It may be your first solo job."

Lor answered the com and nearly fainted when the pale-bleached face beneath the black widow's peak appeared on the screen. "Dracula!" she purred. Rumor had it that she was a very good friend of the famous vampire, wink wink nudge nudge.

"So what can I do for you, Drac?" Lor managed to get out without hyperventilating.

When he began talking in that gorgeous accent, she had to remember to breathe. "I find myself in need of some furniture, namely a couch. Could you acquire one for me, my dark lady?"

The dreamy look on her face hidden by her helmet, it took her a few moments to untangle herself from the nuances of the Transylvanian accent. "Couch... yes... of course. Will do."

"Thank you, my little pyro." He ended the transmission.

"Just where are you going to get a couch, my apprentice?" Fett asked from behind her.

Lor smiled. "Oh, I know just where I can find one…and settle an old score as well."

* * *

Christina was very excited. In the semi-truce between the Lightsiders and the Darksiders after the whole affair with Yoda's special brownies, she had organized a movie night. The Darksiders were coming over to share in the popcorn, the chips, the soda, and fun.

Humming the Cardcaptors theme song under her breath, she decided to head towards the Warty Room to make sure that the food was still fresh. Of course, she'd need to eat at least a few handfuls to make sure, but that's the price you pay when you're Jedi Princess Mrs. Christina Skywalker.

Turning the corner, she bumped into Malaryush, the great and powerful Listmom. She tapped her foot. "What's this I hear about a movie night that nobody invited me to?"

Christina stammered, "Of course you're invited! Why wouldn't you be? You're Malaryush!"

"Because I wasn't included in the last adventure you had, the Brownie Wars!"

Christina suddenly found the floor very fascinating. "A slight oversight, I'm sure. Why don't you go talk to Carinae? She was in charge of it!"

"I plan to," Malaryush replied, and swept off.

Christina shuddered at Carinae's imagined fate. She had always been a
bit afraid of Listmom ever since she had accidentally hit Malaryush in the face with a pie during the infamous SWC foodfight. She resumed her journey to the Warty Room, visions of chocolate chip cookies from Subway and frappacinos dancing through her head.

Just then, Jedi Sa'rah ran past her, shouting, "It's gone! It's gone!"

Chris reached outa nd grabbed her arm. "What's gone? Your Nine Inch
Nails CD collection?"

Sa'rah gasped. "No! Don't even joke of such a thing! My trans-dimensional time machine is stolen!"

"Your what?!?"

"My trans-dimensional time machine," Sa'rah repeated. "I had made two
for a physics project, and now one's gone! It's been stolen! And the
thief left only this behind!" She held out a slip of paper with a fanged yelled smiley-face.

Christina looked at the smiley-face. "But who would do such a thing? And why?"

How should I know?!?" Sa'rah wailed. "I want my time machine back!"

"Don't worry, we'll get it back. But right now, you need to calm
down, and I know just what will do the trick."

Sa'rah looked at Chris and sniffed. "What?"

"Yoda's special brownies," Christina said triumphantly. "And there
just happens to be a plate in the Warty Room, right next to a cooler of frappacinos."

"Well...alright..." Sa'rah let herself be dragged along.

Christina stopped at the doorway of the Warty Room and froze. Sa'rah
looked around her and asked, "What's the matter?"

Too distraught to speak, Chris just pointed at the empty spot where the couch had formerly stood.

"The...couch," Sa'rah whispered in horror. "Not the couch…"

Lying on the floor was a paper with a yellow smiley-face, with fangs.

* * *

The doorbell rang—the darksiders were here. Tigergladys got up from the rug where she was playing with littlewhiskers and stretched. Placing the hamster on her head, she walked to the door and opened it. "Welcome, oh evil ones," she intoned.

Gaeriel and Demosthenes looked at her. "What evil ones?" Demos asked. "Don't you mean, 'oh neutral ones'?"

Tigergladys smiled. "Oh, sure. I just thought that I'd have some fun with the darksiders."

Gaeriel grinned. "Well, they aren't here yet, but we are. Where's the food?"

Tig pointed towards the Warty Room. "Down that way. Go help yourselves."

"Will do!" The two headed down the hallway.

Tigergladys had just settled down on the rug again when the doorbell rang. Sighing, she got up and went over to let the darksiders in.

* * *

Demos entered the room first, her cape sweeping behind her. Gaeriel walked in behind, capeless, but with a serious-looking blaster strapped to her leg. They saw Christina and Sa'rah standing in the middle of the Warty Room in shock, looking at a piece of paper.

Demos stepped forward. "What's the matter?"

The two lightsiders jumped. "The c-c-couch. It's missing." Sa'rah
stammered out.

"WHAT?!?" Gaeriel thundered. "Do you know how much that couch cost me?!? I paid for it after Lor torched the old one."

"And I spent a small fortune to make sure that it was protected from food-stains, burns, and blaster fire!" Demos chimed in. "How could it be missing?!?"

At the sight of the two angry freelancers, Christina and Sa'rah swallowed hard. "Well, it just is. We don't know who did it, but all they left was this."

Chris handed over the paper with the fanged smiley-face. The two looked at it, and with one voice, said, "Lor".

Ok, it's late at night, I couldn't sleep, so naturally, I wrote part 2. Hope you all enjoy. Sa'rah is turning out to be the most important character at the moment, and Marlaryush actually has a role in this story. hehe. Enjoy the late-night ramblings of me. If it's incoherant or really stupid, I plead lack of sleep!

Gaeriel
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***CHAPTER TWO***

The darksiders clustered around the doorway of the Warty Room. Darth Suzi pushed her way to the front of the crowd. “Lem’me through! I smell Yoda’s special brownies! Need that chocolaty goodness...Need it! Out of my way! No one’s getting between me and those wonderful squares of chocolate!”

“Ow!” Mary rubbed the place where Suzi had elbowed her in her quest for
brownies. “I think Suzi’s strange dependency is an X-file all by itself,” she muttered to herself.

Kris was arguing with her master, Carinae. “No, I am not watching X-men
again! You’ve made me sit through that movie at least a hundred times. And I’m not counting all the scenes with Hugh Jackman that you rewound and watched again…and again…and again. Never!”

Carinae’s voice pierced the babble. “We are watching X-men! What else is there to watch? Hmmm?”

“Well, how about Gladiator?” Elspeth broke into the conversation. The two Darksiders turned and glared at her. She put up her hands and backed away. “Just a suggestion.”

The two turned away and continued bickering.

Marlaryush turned to the throng of Darksiders. “Enough!” she roared. “We have a crisis on our hands people, and I do mean crisis! Our beloved couch has been—“ she paused for dramatic effect “—stolen!”

A gasp rose from the crowd. “Stolen! Impossible! Only us Darksiders are
allowed to steal the couch!”

Christina wandered over, her Squiggle held in front of her. “And what makes us think that you didn’t? For all we know, you could have sneaked in here and taken it, like you did the last time!” She was nearly in tears. The couch was very special to Chris, having been her hiding place in the numerous SWC wars/foodfights.

Sa’rah wandered over. “They couldn’t have stolen it! If they had, why would they have stolen my trans-dimensional time machine, too?”

“Your what?!?” several voices called out.

“A little device I invented that you could use to travel to different
dimensions and times,” she explained too patiently. “It was stolen at around the same time the couch was!”

The crowd gasped again.

“You don’t know that they didn’t take it.” Chris argued. “Maybe Kris wanted to see some real Scottish highlanders in kilts!”

Kris cried out. “I would nev—-Ok, maybe I would. But I didn’t!”

Demos walked to the front of the crowd. She didn’t need to shove, people instinctively parted to let her pass. In her hand, she held the two pieces of paper with the fanged smiley-faces. “It wasn’t the Darksiders,” she stated. “It was Lor-alla Arki.”

A gasp went up, from the Lightsiders and the Darksiders both.

“Will you stop gasping!” Demos cried out. “It’s driving me insane!”

Tigergladys and Gaeriel stepped up. Tig held up a device and took one of the papers from Demos. “We know that it’s Lor because, aside from the fangs on the smiley-faces, she had left us a message.” She held up the device over the paper and words appeared on the screen: “Haha. I killed your first couch and now I have your second. And you can’t find me! Pfffft… That’ll teach you to defeat me! ~Blood and fire, Lor.”

“But why would she want my trans-dimensional time machine?” Sa’rah asked.

“We don’t know, but if Lor has it, nothing good can come of this.” Gaeriel glanced at the Darksiders. “Well, nothing we would want anyway.”

* * *

Lor called Dracula on the comconsole on Vamp I, a birthday present from her master. It wasn’t as spacious as Slave I, but she managed. It had all the weapons a girl as twisted as Lor-alla would need, anyway. And she couldn’t go back to her castle, since the SWC knew where it was now. Pity. It was such a beautifully gloomy and depressing place.

Dracula’s face appeared on the screen. “Ah! Wonderful. I love that couch. It's magnificent.” Lor was stretched out on the stolen piece of furniture. She was dressed not in her usually Mandalorian armor, but in dark silk robes.

She smiled, revealing her own fangs. “Glad you like it. But now, to discuss the subject of payment.”

“Anything, my fanged beauty.”

She smiled again and lit a match, holding it up to her face. “I would like to keep the couch for a little while. I have an old debt to settle, and an army to collect.”

Dracula looked puzzled. “An army?”

She nodded. “Oh yes, all heavily muscled and wearing boots and wonderful armor. Can you imagine it? You see, that old debt needs to be paid. A little matter of some embarrassment for me, and I shall need an army of psychotic vamps to pay it.”

Dracula smiled. “I see. Of course you may keep the couch for a while. Just make sure that you get it to me in one piece.”

“That should be no trouble, those fools had protected it with all the
shields that little Demosthenes had in her store.”

“Then we have an agreement.”

“Yes, we do.” Lor blew out the match.

* * *

Sa’rah had returned with the last remaining trans-dimensional time machine.

“It just looks like a fancy clock,” Suzi complained.

Sa’rah glared at her. “Well, it works. I got an ‘A’ for it in my physics class.”

“Well aren’t we Miss Special?” Suzi muttered under her breath.

The Lightsiders pretended not to hear that. To get the couch back and stop Lor would require cooperation, trust, and fellowship between the two factions. As this thought occurred to Marlaryush, she tried not to think “We’re doomed.” That would be too much like Threepio, and if there was something she could not stand, it was a pessimistic droid.

“So this machine can track the movements of the other machine. I had
designed them that way so that I could find one if the other got misplaced.” Jedi Sa’rah turned the machine on.

Nothing happened.

“Hold on.” Sa’rah banged it against the cooler of frappacinos and lights appeared on the side. “There we go.” She looked at the other chicks, her finger poised over a button on the center of the machine. “Hang on. I don’t know where we’re going to end up.”

Click.

The Warty Room shimmered around them. Chris held onto her Squiggle tightly and shut her eyes. The shimmering died down and a room appeared, a very familiar room—-to Kirin at least.

“Intruder alert on the Bridge,” a voice announced behind them.

“I can very well see that, Number One.”

The assembled chicks stared in fascination at Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the U. S. S. Enterprise.

“Who are all of you and how did you get on my ship?” he demanded.

Before anyone could answer, a voice came off to the side. “Yoo hoo! Over here, suckers!”

Gaeriel fired her blaster at Lor, lounging on the SWC couch. “Unhand that couch, you psycho!”

Lor laughed. “Why thank you for the compliment,” she called back, as the blaster fire was deflected by the shields on the couch. “You can see that I had modified the shielding to also protect anyone *on* the couch.”

Tam stepped forward. “What do you want?” she asked in her best “stern mommy” voice. Anakin was in her arms. He held out his hand and sparks fluttered around his fingers.

“Keep that freak of nature away from me!” Lor shrieked. She sat up and
pulled her black robes tight around her.

Tam hugged Anakin and frowned at Lor. “Now, that’s no way to be talking to my son.”

“Fine then.” Lor stepped away from the couch and grabbed Worf from his
station. She was back inside the couch’s protection before anyone could
react. The Klingon roared in surprise and reached to snap Lor’s neck, but she stunned him first. He slumped back against the couch cushions.

She pointed the blaster at the SWC and the bridge crew of the Enterprise. “I am always prepared.” She pulled out her stolen trans-dimensional time machine and pressed the button. Before she disappeared, she waved.

“After her!” Demos shouted, and the SWC were gone, leaving Captain Picard to stand there, bewildered and without his Chief of Security.

First off, I would like to make a correction to Part 2. Kris is not Carinae’s apprentice, Suzi is. I am sorry if I offended anybody, or any other mistakes I may have made. Bear in mind I was sleep deprived at the time I was writing. And now, I would like to apologize to Suzi in advance. I would offer to pay your therapy bill, but I’m broke J

Gaeriel
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***CHAPTER THREE***

"Tig, close your mouth and stop drooling," Chris whispered.

Suzi gaped. "Oooh. Look at all the lovelies..."

In front of the group of chicks stood a band of Scottish highlanders, decked out in full highlander regalia, complete with...kilts.

Carinae spotted her errant apprentice rushing towards the kilts. "Hey! Stop! Suzi, you stop right there or I’m cutting you off from Yoda’s special brownies!"

That threat was too much; it overcame the sight of kilts. Suzi stopped, a horrified look on her face. Reluctantly, she turned around and trudged back to rejoin the group. "Yes, master."

Marigold looked around but couldn’t spot a couch or a dark form lurking in the shadows away from the sunlight. "Where’s Lor?"

The highlanders had wandered over, suspicion on their faces. One stepped forward. "If ye mean that wee gal who came here and spirited off those thieves, ye jus’ missed her."

Sighs rose from the assembled kilt-obsessed chicks at the Scottish lilt in his voice. Demos snapped herself out of it first. "What? Where did she go?"

The Scot shrugged. "I dinna know. She let loose a bunch o’ highwaymen we had caught an’ were takin’ to hangin’."

Demos turned to the SWC. "Don’t you see what she’s doing?"

Blank stares met her question.

She sighed. "She's collecting a bunch of guys. For what purpose? I don’t know. To be her army? To be her slaves so that she can force them to march around wearing nothing but boots? Who knows? Who can figure out the twisted mind that is Lor-alla?"

Tigergladys spoke up. "Her last few psychiatrists ended up needing to be institutionalized themselves. I’ve seen the latest one. She just sits in the corner, rocking, saying over and over again "Everyone dies. It is the final and only lasting Justice. Evil exists; it is intelligence in the service of entropy." She kept going until she got to the end of Fett’s speech and then started over again. I’m telling you, Lor completely broke her! She must be stopped!"

Kris spoke up. "We have to stop her before she steals all the drool-worthy men there is to steal!"

Marylaryush nodded. "We must go, now!" She turned her head. "Suzi, don’t even think of calling up a gust of wind on those kilted men."

Suzi gave her best "innocent" look. She didn’t quite pull it off. Marlaryush sighed and signaled for Sa’rah to push the button on the trans-dimensional time machine (which needs a shorter name). The Scots looked on as they disappeared. They scratched their heads and shrugged. "Must have too much ale," they muttered to themselves and decided to go to the tavern.

They discounted the weird girl on the couch, the collection of weird girls who showed up after the other one left. And they forgot the rather strong breeze that had sprung up just before the group of girls had left which had caused them to grab their kilts or face embarrassment.

* * *

The couch looked out of place in the middle of the forest. It was getting crowded, too. Lor had to sit herself on top of the pile of bodies in order to be able to jump off the couch and grab her next heavily-muscled-with-aggressive-tendencies victim. She laughed quietly to herself. She knew those fools would have gotten held up with all those kilts around. It had given her plenty of time to nab some more. Gently, she stroked Alexis Nemov’s face with her black painted fingernails. Now, she just had to wait here for a bit until they caught up with so that she could spring the trap.

She smiled as the air in front of her shimmered and her adversaries appeared in front of her. "About bloody time you showed up."

Mary frowned. "What do you mean, 'about bloody time'?"

"I should think that was obvious. But if you are too dense to figure it out, then I guess you’ll just have to wait and see it for yourselves." Lor waved black nail polished tipped fingers and pressed the button on her trans-dimensional time machine and vanished.

The chicks instinctively bunched closer together. "What do you think she meant by that?" Carinae whispered.

Suzi suddenly whimpered. She knelt down on the ground and put her arms
around her head. "Not that, please. Not that. Anything but that. Noooo..."

Kris knelt down beside her. "What’s the matter?"

Suzi looked up, her face streaked with tears. "I smell...tacos!"

In the trees surrounding them, squeals and grunts emerged from the shadows. A taco flew from overhead and hit Christina in the face. She screamed and scraped the ground beef off of her. The trees erupted with monkeys bearing tacos.

"We want our Queen!" they shrieked. "Give us our Queen!"

A barrage of tacos rained down on the SWC. The chicks with lightsabers
deflected the edible attack while those with blasters shot at the monkeys.

"What happened to that machine you made for Suzi?" Becca yelled over the din.

"It was too big to carry with us!" Tigergladys shouted back. "We had to
leave it back home!"

Finally, the monkeys backed off. They climbed higher into the trees and
cackled. "Just you wait!" They called out. "We have a surprise! You can’t keep our Queen from us!"

Marlaryush gathered her Jedi robes closer to her. "What are they talking about? What surprise?"

Off in the distance, music played. Do do do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do...

"Does anyone else hear organ music?" Gaeriel whispered.

A little car appeared out of the trees, and drove around the clustered chicks in a quick circle. It stopped, and the chicks quickly encircled Suzi, protecting her from whatever was in the car. The door popped open, and out popped clowns! Clown after clown and clown! They did cartwheels around the SWC, squirted water from flowers and honked horns.

Suzi shuddered. "No...no...not clowns. Not clowns. Make them go away!"

Sorry to anyone I traumatized with the clowns. I did not mean to. And bear in mind that the clowns and fictional, and that you did in the end, triumph over Lor-alla's very evil forces. And if I made Lor out to be a bit more psychotic than she really is, well, it just adds to the flavor of the story.

Gaeriel
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***CHAPTER FOUR***

The clowns edged in closer, their rubber chickens and seltzer bottles in hand. "We're going to get you...We're going to get you..." they sang.

Suzi wrapped her arms tighter around her head. "Nooooooo. Please no. Make them stop! Make them stop," she moaned.

Carinae took a fighting stance with her lightsaber in front of her apprentice's huddled figure. "If you want her, you're going to have to go through me!"

The clowns backed away slightly. "Oohh. We're scared," they mocked. "Please don't hit us with that blue stick."

They stopped laughing when Carinae took a step forward and chopped off the head of a rubber chicken.

The clown held up his decapitation poultry. "Hey! That was my favorite chicken! I even named him!" He rushed forward, his rubber chicken held in the air like a club. He screamed a battle cry, "For Earnie!!!!!!"

* * *

Dracula looked over the pile of men draped over the couch. "What do you expect me to do with them? Can I eat them?"

Lor looked at him. "Not yet, my dark lord. You can eat them when I come back. I want to watch." She smiled, her fangs showing bright white against the blood red of the lipstick.

Dracula wandered over to the couch. "Of course." He pointed to a figure towards the bottom of the pile, clothed in blue and yellow and wearing a mask. "And who is this one? His costume is too bright and cheerful."

"He is called Wolverine. He's deliciously psychotic and prone to rages and bouts of depression."

"Reminds me of someone I know." Dracula smiled at Lor.

She smiled back. "You're too kind." She then gestured toward the men again. "I want to have these turned into my own private vampire army. That is my price for having obtained your couch."

Dracula smiled. "Done."

"Good. I'll just dump them into your dungeon and then I'll be off again. I hope you don't mind if I keep your couch for a bit longer."

"No bother, my pale one. But where are you going?"

Lor smiled again. Evilly. "To get hostages."

* * *

The SWC fended off the attack of the clowns. The monkeys overhead had resumed their barrage of cheap knockoffs of Mexican food, and the group below, clowns and chicks alike, were covered in Taco Bell's mystery sauce, watery ground beef, and broken taco shells.

Littlewhiskers balanced herself on Tigergladys' head and jumped off, aiming for the face of one particularly obnoxious monkey. The primate screeched and tried to hit the hamster, but ending up hitting himself on the nose instead. He looked around, but couldn't spot the hamster and was about to lob another taco when he felt incredible pain shoot down his tail. He screeched even louder than before, and jumped up off the tree branch, dropping his supply of tacos. When he came down again, he missed the branch and plummeted to the forest floor below.

Littlewhiskers stood up on her hind legs and wriggled her nose. She then went off to find her next target.

Below, the battle raged on.

* * *

Lor sang quietly under her breath. "I'm going to catch me a Mulder...I'm going to catch me a Mulder..." She laughed, as she saw her target come into sight. She waited, and when he came close enough, she jumped out from the alleyway and hit him over the head with a pipe.

She laughed again as she dragged his unconscious form over to the couch. "And those idiots really thought he was abducted by aliens." She dumped his prone form onto the couch and took out a notebook.

"Fox Mulder; hostage for Mary. Check." She placed a neat little check mark by the first name on the list and closed the notebook.

She sang under her breath, "Just you wait, Hugh Jackman, just you wait…Lor's coming to get you. Lor's coming to get you."

* * *

Christina's Squiggle had joined in the attack. It bounced onto the ground and jumped up, smashing into a monkey. It then proceeded to spring up and down, bashing more monkeys unconscious.

Littlewhiskers bit a monkey's ear and as it screeched and ran away, the hamster paused. It stood up and waved at the Squiggle before bounding off again.

Below, the chicks fought bravely on.

Sa'rah ducked a stream of seltzer water and used her lightsaber to cut the bottle in half. She then aimed for the clown's big shoe, but he scurried away. "Drat," she muttered.

The three graysiders (Tig, Demos, and Gaeriel) picked off monkeys with their blasters. Tigergladys seriously regretted leaving her 27 kilted bodyguards at home.

* * *

Lor chuckled as she looked at the pile of hostages she had collected. In her hand, she held her notebook in which she checked off names.

"--Ray Park...check. Miles Vorkosigan...check. Russell Crowe...check. Hmmm...where's Ford Prefect?" She noticed a hand grasping a towel at the bottom of the pile. "Oh, there he is. Check."

She flipped the notebook closed. On the front were pictures of Rudolf Martin with fangs drawn on his face. She then took out a box of matches and began striking them and letting them burn down.

"Now, to wait..."

* * *

Demos threw a detonator into the midst of the clowns. "Everyone duck!" she cried.

Smispe warded off a taco attack. "What did you say?"

*BOOM*

The clowns scattered and the trees were suddenly quiet of monkey chatter. Littlewhiskers jumped back into Tigergladys' pocket, a smug look on her face. She twitched her whiskers and proceeded to go to sleep.

Christina's Squiggle hopped back to her side, covered in taco sauce.

Sa'rah took out her machine. "I think we'd better get out of here before some more monkeys show up."

Marlaryush nodded. "Agreed."

Behind them, Carinae helped her traumatized apprentice to stand up. "It's all right. They're gone now. No more taco monkeys or clowns."

Suzi stood on wobbly legs and leaned heavily on her master. "Ar-ar-are you s-s-sure?" she sobbed.

"Positive."

Sa'rah hit the button and the taco-littered forest disappeared around them.

Well, I'm sure you're all going "Finally!" Sorry about taking so long, but real life reared it's ever ugly head again. I would like to dedicate this story to the loving memory of Littlewhiskers. (Don't worry Tig and Chris...they're still alive!) And if Bria is still on this list, I apologize if your cameo offends. And now, without further ado, Part 5. Enjoy.

Gaeriel
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***CHAPTER FIVE***

Kazzi looked around her. "Where are we?"

Pale figures walked around the group. They looked vaguely familiar, but none of the chicks could quite place them. It seemed like their brains were trying to deliberately avoid thinking about the people around them.

All the colors were muted, the sky, the grass, even the people themselves. Christina shuddered. "This place creeps me out."

A laugh rang out in the silence. "It should, you know!"

The SWC whirled around. Standing behind them Lor, dressed in her black robes. Beside her on the couch, was a pile of men.

"Nooooo!" Kirin lunged forward. "Not Obi-wan! Give him back!"

Lor held up a match. "Uh uh. I don't think so, not unless you'd like this little collection of man-goodies I've collected to be served to you barbecued." She smiled and several of the chicks shuddered.

Suzi ran after Kirin and pulled her back. "Don't! She has David Boreanaz!" Reluctantly, Kirin allowed herself to be pulled back, shooting angry looks at Lor.

Lor smiled back, revealing her fangs.

Sa'rah had been staring intently at one of the figures walking around them. She was just like all the others in the blank look on her face, but she wore a white T-shirt with a red maple leaf and "Canada" on it. Sa'rah suddenly looked shocked and ran up to the figure. "Bria??"

The girl acted as if she didn't hear Sa'rah. The Lightsider reached out to grab her but her hand went through her shoulder as if going through air. Bria continued walking forward, oblivious.

Sa'rah then turned to Lor. "Where are we??" she shouted. "Where have you brought us??"

Lor laughed. "Haven't you guessed? This is the land of lost Star Wars Chicks. All these people here," she said as she gestured around her, "they are former SWC who left for one reason or another. Their Chick personas resides here until they return to reclaim them. Sadly, many don't and these sad ghosts just keep wandering around while the chicks who they are live in the real world."

Christina shuddered. "The real world? I've heard that's a scary place."

Lor smiled. "It is. I should know; I was forced to live there for a time when my evil parents banned me from the computer. But I'm here now, and I have my hostages. And if you think of coming after me, I'll turn them into my vampire slaves and you'll never see them again." She laughed. "Mwahahahahahaha!"

Lor pushed the button on the trans-dimensional time machine and disappeared, taking her hostages and the couch with her.

* * *

They were all sitting on the ground, dejectedly. "Now what do we do?" Tam asked.

"I don't know. She has Ewan so we can't go after her." Suzi shook her head.

Tigergladys sighed. "She had Corran. How did she get Corran? How?" She sighed again. "Well, at least she didn't get Littlewhiskers." She felt in her pocket, but couldn't find the little warm ball of fur that was supposed to be in there. "Oh on! Where's Littlewhiskers? Where?" Tig got up and started searching. "Littlewhiskers? Come to mommy, Littlewhiskers!"

Christina watched Tigergladys for a minute and then looked around. "Hey! Where's my Squiggle? My Squiggle's gone!" She then got up and joined Tigergladys in searching the area. "Squiggle! Here, Squiggle Squiggle Squiggle!"

The rest of the chicks barely looked up. "She had Mulder," Mary sobbed into Kris's shoulder. "She had my Mulder."

Kris patted her shoulder. "There there. It's all right. We'll get him back; we'll get them all back."

"But how?!?" Gaeriel wailed.

They all fell silent, thinking about how to get their drool-worthy men back.

Unnoticed, one of the figures wandering around gained color. She looked around her, and stretched. Slowly, she sauntered over the group of depressed chicks. "What's with the glum faces? I know what'll liven things up: a nice, little...WAR!"

The chicks turned around. "Genavee?" Elspeth asked in shock.

She did a little twirl. "I'm BAAAAAAAAACK!"

* * *

"--So that's what's going on." Marlaryush finished explaining.

"I still don't see why we just don't go blow her up. It'd save us a whole lot of trouble," Genavee grumbled.

"Caused we'd lose all those hot hostages too," Demosthenes said glumly.

Smispe sat up suddenly. "Wait a minute…I think I have an idea. Sa'rah, do you have your towel?"

Sa'rah pulled it out. "I never leave home without it. Hitchhiker's rule number one."

"Good." Smispe gestured for the chicks to gather closer. "Now, here's the plan..."

The chicks listened as she explained it.

"No! No! Absolutely not!" Suzi leapt up and put her hands over her ears. "I refuse! It's humiliating…it-it-it's degrading...it's-it's-it's--I absolutely refuse!"

Christina and Tigergladys had abandoned the search for their lost friends. The looked at Suzi. Then they looked at Carinae.

Carinae sighed and walked over to her raving apprentice. She used the Force to freeze Suzi's vocal chords and pull her hands away from her ears. "I don't like this anymore than you do, but I think it's the only way."

Suzi shook her head vigorously.

"But just think of all those men that Lor has in her control! Harrison Ford, and Keanu Reeves, and Antonio Banderas, and Spike, and Hugh Jackman..."

"And Russell Crowe!" Elspeth chimed in.

"And Gambit!" Tam called out.

Suzi seemed to be weakening. Then, Carinae brought out her wild card. "And I thought I saw Ray Park in that pile too."

Suzi's head came back up and she started nodding hard. She mouth opened and closed but no sound came out. Carinae waved her hand and "--Ray Park! For Ray, I'll do it! For that luscious hunk of--"

Carinae clapped her hand over her apprentice's mouth. "Careful, this is a family list..."

Suzi looked horrified and stole a glance at Marlaryush, who gave her a warning glance. "Oops...sorry."

Sa'rah and Gaeriel were talking while this was going on. Gaeriel nodded and then looked over the group. "Well, then I guess we have to practice."

"PRACTICE!?!" Suzi screeched. "No one said anything about practicing!"

Finally, here it is. The long awaited Part 6 of Vamp-Girl Strikes back. I hope you all enjoy it, I had fun writing it (though it took me awhile to actually find time to, but hey, that's life) No actual fighting yet, that's next chapter, but you all get to dance :) haha.

Gaeriel
--------------------
 

***CHAPTER SIX***

Sache sat in front of her laptop. On the screen was the Napstar screen. "Downloading…75%."

Sa'rah wandered over. "So why did you have your computer with you anyway?"

Sache looked up. "I always bring it with me so that I can check my email."

"No kidding."

"Yeah. Right now, some people on this list I'm on are writing stories featuring the people on the list. Call me weak and greedy, but I can't wait to read the next chapter."

Off to the side, the rest of the chicks were taking a break from their practice.

"Whew." Kirin wiped her brow. "How do you expect us to keep this up long enough to defeat Lor?"

Tam groaned and rolled onto her stomach. "Don't even want to think about that. I don't think I will be able to stand up again."

Nearby, Anikan used the Force to levitate rocks.

Sache's computer dinged. "Ok, that's the last file. Let me put together the play list and we can be on our way."

Mirax sighed. "Good." She tried to get up and failed, falling back to the ground with a thump. "Can't we take a nap first?" she asked hopefully.

* * *

Dracula and Lor had just finished dragging the last of the hostages into the dungeon. Dracula turned to Lor. "Now can I eat those other guys?"

Lor nodded. "But only a little. I want them all turned into vamps."

Dracula thought that over. "Normally, I would not agree, but seeing as how you have brought me my lovely couch, I will oblige."

The two began to drag the other set of kidnapped men out of the dungeon, piling them against the door.

"Don't you have minions for this sort of thing?" Lor panted.

Dracula shook his head. "Alas, no. I greatly value my privacy, you see. And you can't really rely on minions to make sure that your blood is fresh and your coffin dusted. I heard of a vampire once who had a minion who accidentally killed her because he had opened the curtains to open some windows to air out a room." He shook his head sadly. "A vampire, I'm afraid, is doomed to let his home go to Hades and to do his own housework."

Lor was about to reply, but the air in front of them shimmered and the Star Wars Chicks appeared. They were all in fighting stances, ready for action.

Lor threw back her head and laughed. "Fools! Do you dare try and fight me? Lor-Alla Arki? After I have told you not too?" She reached into the dungeon and pulled out a random unconscious guy. "Don't move an inch, or Brendan Fraser will no longer be so lovely and cute." She pinched his cheek with two fingers and shook his head a bit.

"Oh yeah?" Leia cried. "Well we have a surprise for you!"

Sa'rah and all other Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy followers had gladly donated their towels to the cause of rescuing their men. The towels had then been cut up into little pieces, and each chick was given two. They pulled out their pieces now and stuffed them into their ears.

Tam called out, "You see, Lor. We know you too well."

Kirin joined in. "We know what you hate the most. More than school, more than sunlight."

Marlaryush signaled Sache and she clicked the play button on the Napstar screen. Music blared from the laptop, and the chicks got into rows and began dancing.

Lor screamed and clutched her ears. "NOOOOOO! NOOOOOO!"

"You see Lor, we know you hate teen pop sensations!" Tigergladys shouted out over the music.

The pieces of cloth in their ears blocked out most of the music, bringing it down to a bearable level for those who shared Lor's passionate dislike for the teen sensations. But through the cloth, they heard enough for them to keep the beat, and if they wanted to sing along…

"Oops, I did it again…" Leia sang out, while not missing a step.

Lor was huddled on the floor, her arms pressed tightly to her ears, but she couldn't block it out. "Noooooo…. Not Britney Spears…"

The chicks continued dancing and singing. They got through an N'Sync song, and Backstreet Boys song, a Ricky Martin Song, and halfway through a Christina Auguilera song before Lor finally passed out.

Sache cut the music and the chicks yanked the cloth out of their ears. "Finally. I was actually beginning to like that music a bit," Suzi muttered in horror.

Mary nodded. "Great. Let's grab the guys and get out of here before she wakes up. I want my Mulder back!"

Demos nodded. "And the couch. Don't forget the couch."

"And the couch."

But a figure slipped out of the shadows. Dracula had retreated to the dungeon to get away from the too-cheerful music, but now that the music had stopped, he returned. "Ah, but you forgot about me, little ones. You are not taking that couch with out a fight."

The chicks stared at the vampire.

Jerusha finally spoke up. "Um…I don't mean to be rude or anything, but who are you?"

Dracula's jaw fell open. "Who am I?? Who am I??? You dare ask that question, you impudent mortal?

"Er…yeah. We do dare, actually. Who are you?" Gaeriel spoke up.

He pulled his cape tight around his body and glared at the assembled chicks. "I…am…Dracula! And that couch is mine!"

I have writer's block somewhat cause I don't know how I'm going to end this. So until I figure out, I'll just have you guys wandering around Drac's castle, running into ghosts, gremlins, and banshees. How's that sound? <eg> I'll try and finish this story before the weekend's over so that it won't have to be dragged out another week.

Gaeriel
--------------------
 

***CHAPTER SEVEN***

Lightsabers ignited, blasters were pulled out, and fighting stances were assumed. "It's our couch, and we're getting it back!" Tera yelled out, defiantly.

Sache leapt up from her computer and joined Tera, lightsaber in hand. "Give it up now, and we'll let you go!"

Dracula threw his head back and laughed. "Do you really expect me to do that? It fits so nicely with my decor, and according to my little pet there," he nodded towards Lor's unconscious form, "it's already protected from any blood stains that may occur from my feeding habits." He smiled, showing unmistakably pointed teeth.

Demos stepped forward, a blaster in each hand. "You may be a vampire, but I'm sure that a blasterbolt will still hurt!"

Dracula laughed again. "Fine, you may have your couch back…if you can find it." He disappeared in a cloud of smoke and several bats flew away, heading in different directions. "Which one is the right me…?" echoed throughout the chamber.

Marlaryush shouted, "Split up!"

The chicks scattered without a word, teaming up and going to search the different areas of Dracula's castle. Tigergladys, Demos, Gaeriel stayed to guard Lor.

* * *

Carinae panted. "Which door?"

She, Christina, and Sa'rah were standing in a long hallway with lots of doors on both sides. Those doors could lead to an empty room, Dracula, or unimaginable danger.

Christina looked down the hallway, closed her eyes, spun around and randomly pointed. "This one."

"Um…"

Christina opened her eyes and found herself pointing towards Sa'rah. "Oops. Let's try that again."

This time, she pointed to a door. Carinae ignited her lightsaber, and held it at the ready. Opening the door, they found…an empty bedroom.

Carinae sighed. "Well, that was a letdown. Try another one."

The next door was a closet. The one after was another empty bedroom. The third was a bathroom.

They'd reached the end of the hallway. "One more door to go on this side," Christina said as she grasped the handle. She opened the door, expecting another empty room. Chittering met them and the smell of tacos.

With a gasp, Christina quickly closed the door again. "Let's try another one."

* * *

Demos paced around the chamber. "How did we end up guarding Lor?"

Tig was sitting on the floor, playing with her blaster. "Because we didn't more fast enough, that's how. The rest of them get to run around the dark castle, waving around lightsabers and getting that cool glow effect and we just sit here and wait."

"Don't you think it's a bit odd that all three of us have no affiliation to either side, yet we're left here?"

Gaeriel glanced over at Demos and shrugged. "Coincidence. You know that in times of Lor that we put our differences aside."

"Still—" Demosthenes broke off what she was going to say when Lor stirred on the floor and moaned. She whipped out her blasters and leveled them at Lor.

Lor noticed the movement and smiled. And calmly sat up and stretched. "You don't really think those will stop me, now do you?"

"I can try. Now don't more, or I'll shoot."

Lor reached under her cloak and pulled out a lightsaber.

Demos fired two shots, and Lor ignited her lightsaber and deflected them. She smiled again, revealing her fangs. "Three against one. And only I have a lightsaber. This should be interesting."

Tig and Gaeriel pulled out lightsabers and ignited them. "Very interesting indeed," Tig replied.

They leaped and lightsabers clashed. In the background, Duel of the Fates started playing.

Demos looked around widely. "Where did that come from?"

Over by Sache's computer, which lay forgotten against the wall, a hamster stood on her hind legs and waved cheerfully at the four people who stared at her.

"Littlewhiskers!" Tig cried out.

Littlewhiskers wriggled her nose and pointed towards Lor with one paw.

"Right…fight."

The three then turned and attacked Lor, not noticing Littlewhiskers running off into the dungeon.

* * *

Sache, Smispe, and Tera crept through the hallway, lightsabers clasped in hands. "Where is he?" Tera whispered. "He's got to be here somewhere."

Suddenly, a wailing started. The three huddled closer together. "What was that?" Sache whispered.

The wailing repeated itself. White forms materialized around them, sunken faces screaming at them. The three ran down the hallway, trying to escape the ghosts.

* * *

Kirin, Mary, and Elspeth had found the kitchen.

"Ugh." Kirin quickly shut the fridge.

Mary peered over her shoulder. "What?"

"Blood."

"Oh." Mary paused. "Why did you open the fridge, anyway?"

"I was hungry. I thought there might be some chocolate cake or brownies in there."

"In a vampire's kitchen?" Elspeth asked, one eyebrow raised.

Kirin looked at the other two and spoke evenly. "My name is Kirin and I'm a choco-holic."

"Hi, Kirin!" spoke up many little voices behind her.

She whirled around, grasping for her lightsaber. Sitting on the counter were a number of little green gremlins. The smiled, showing wicked teeth.

"We're hungry, too!"

* * *

Marylaryush stood in thought. In front of her were two corridors, both dark and equally spooky. When the others had teamed up, no one had teamed up with her, so she was all by herself. Picking the corridor on the right, she held onto her lighsaber and blaster and entered into the darkness.

She walked for a while without encountering anything but darkness.

Unexpectedly, she heard squeaks above her. Raising her lightsaber towards the ceiling, she saw millions of red beady eyes staring unblinkingly at her. The suddenly, they were dropping, falling towards her.

Marlaryush screamed as bats and bats and more bats attacked her. Blindly waving her lightsaber around her, she tried to back up the way she came, only to stumble into a body. Cold strong hands grasped her shoulders and she looked up to see a fanged smile.

"Well, I see that one of you have found me after all."

I found some time to write! Yay! Here it is, the long awaited next installment of Vamp-girl. It's getting there, slowly but surely. I think two more installments should do it. hehe

Gaeriel, in a much better mood now that she knows what to do with the story.
--------------------

***CHAPTER EIGHT***

Genavee hummed to herself as she rigged the bomb. It was such great luck that the bomb and weapon supply place delivered! And it was all charged tot he lightsiders' accounts, those poor schmucks.

"What are you doing?"

Genavee whirled around, wired in hand, to confront Leia. "Uh…nothing."

"You're going to blow up this place! With everybody inside!"

"Well, it'll be an easy way to defeat Lor and that Dracula guy."

"But you'd kill our people and the hostages as well!"

Genavee flicked her hand. "Acceptable losses. They can always be cloned back."

"No, they're not!" Leia advanced towards the Psychotic Sith Chick, hands poised to grab the bomb.

Genavee's eyes narrowed. "All you lightsiders are the same. You don't want to have any fun. Well, you can't stop me from having mine!" She grabbed her bomb and ran down the hallway, laughing.

* * *

Mirax, Tam, and Kazzi had wandered into a maze somehow. All the walls were a uniform gray and were too think to slice through with lightsabers. Oblivious, Anakin napped in Tam's arms.

"This sucks," Mirax said.

Tam nodded. "You. How are we going to get out of here?"

Kazzi stopped and held up a hand. "Did you hear something?"

Tam cocked her head. "Hear what?"

A long deep wail echoed throughout the maze.

"That."

Mirax unhooked her lightsaber from her belt and turned it on.

A form appeared before them, pale with long dark and unkempt hair. It shrieked, blowing the three chicks backward and driving them to their knees.

Tam was forced to put Anakin down in order to cover her ears. Anakin, upon finding himself on the cold hard ground, woke up and SHRIEKED! The banshee was silenced at the force of the little human's cry.

At the sudden and oppressive quiet, Anakin let up a louder roar, and settled into a full-throated wail. The banshee fled without a backward glance.

Tam went over and picked up Anakin, who at being off the ground promptly went back to sleep again, with an angelic smile on his face.

* * *

Suzi was being chased by monkeys. "No! No!" She fended off taco missiles as she ran down the hallway.

"We want our queen! We want our queen!"

"Never!" Suzi roared and ran on further…

"Suzi! Wake up!"

"What?!?" Suzi looked around groggily. "What happened?"

"You got hit in the head when you ran into the wall. You thought you smelled Yoda's Special Brownies." Becca looked down at Suzi and shook her head gently.

Suzi rubbed the bump on her head gingerly. "Oh."

* * *

Dracula held onto Marlaryush tightly and steered her down the hallway.

"Now, we're going to get your people to back down. If they don't… well, we wouldn't want that, now will we?" His talon-like fingernail pressed down against her neck painfully.

"N-n-no," Marlaryush stammered.

"Good." The pressured against her neck released.

They walked on in the darkness, Marlaryush stumbling a time or two. She felt something in the hood of her cape shift and jump out.

Dracula screamed as something attacked his face. He let go of his prisoner and clawed at the snake-like creature hitting him around his head.

"Squiggle!" Marlaryush squealed.

Dracula ran away, still batting at the Squiggle. It jumped off his back and hopped back to Marlaryush. It executed a little bow and somersaulted. Marlaryush clapped her hands.

"Thank you!"

The Squiggle bounced up and curled around her shoulders.

* * *

Tig jumped backwards to avoid Lor's saber. Demos fired off a few shots with her blaster which Lor easily blocked.

All four fighting figures paused at the roar which was emitted from the dungeon. A very POed-looking Klingon appeared, with a piece of chain in his hand.

"Kidnap me, will you?" thundered Worf, swinging his chain and advancing towards Lor.

Behind him emerged other figures, carrying sticks of wood and pieces of chain, and all looking very angry.

* * *

Leia raced after Genavee. "Come back here!"

Genavee threw back her head and laughed. "Never!"

Genavee careened around a corner and bumped into Smispe. Both fell onto their posteriors. Behind Smispe were Sache and Tera; all three were pale and shaky looking.

Leia caught up with Genavee and took in the scene. She quickly grabbed up the bomb Genavee had dropped and turned to Smispe, Sache, and Tera. "What happened to you?"

"G-g-g-ghosts-s-s," Sache stammered out.

"Right. And I'm sure there's a leprechaun right behind me, too."

"It's true!" Tera gasped out, getting to her feet. "They were right behind us."

"Uh huh." Leia turned around and stalked away, still holding the bomb. "Ghosts. Ha!" She muttered to herself.

* * *

Pots and pans flew through the kitchen. The gremlins had taken hold of anything that wasn't bolted down and used them as projectiles towards the chicks cowering behind the overturned kitchen table.

Elspeth grasped her lightsaber. Taking a deep breath, she surged over the table and hacked through the culinary missiles to the gremlins. "You just watch it! When I get over there, I'll making chopped gremlins!" she threatened.

Their response was the laugh and throw more stuff at her. She used her lightsaber to cut the kitchen sink in half.

"How did they get the sink loose?" Kirin wondered.

"Who knows," Mary replied. "But shouldn't we go help her?"

"I guess."

The two ran to help their friend, holding two frying pans that the gremlins had flung at them. They used the pan to bat the objects currently thrown at them.

"Whoo!" Mary cheered as an onion knocked a gremlin out cold.

The gremlins finally ran away, pulling those who had been knocked unconscious behind them. "We'll be back!" they screeched.

"We'll be waiting!" All three chicks yelled back, brandishing frying pans and lightsabers.

* * *

The group of kidnapped men advanced on Lor. Tig, Gaeriel, and Demos stood off to the side, smiling.

"Getting your just desserts, eh, Lor?" Demosthenes called out.

"Shuddup," Lor growled back.

A giant bat suddenly descended on the men, screeching. The men shouted and ducked, covering their heads. The bat landed next to Lor and turned into Dracula.

"Get back! All of you!" the vampire shouted.

When no one did, he put two fingers in his mouth and whistled. Pale white forms began to materialize around the room and swayed towards the humans.

Cackling was heard from the farthest corners of the chamber and bright red eyes opened. Great snakes slithered down the walls and hissed.

But the scariest of all was the smell of tacos that began to waft through the room.

Tig groaned. "Not again!"

Ok…Part 9 and The End! <sigh> Real life sucks. It's taken me a while, and I think this last part isn't as good as the parts before, but I'M DONE!!!!!!! <dances around>

Gaeriel
--------------------

***CHAPTER NINE***

The smell of tacos got stronger. Demos looked around herself warily, blaster held at the ready.

Screams came from a hallway. Christina, Sa'rah, and Carinae ran into the chamber, followed by a horde of monkeys.

"Noooooo! Get them away!" Christina yelled.

Sa'rah was shouting into a communicator on her wrist. "Right!" she cried out and pulled out her trans-dimensional time machine and pressed the button. The air above their heads shimmered and Bria and Ari appeared. With them was the Tac-o-Matic 118 (copyrighted by the SWC). They fell lightly to the ground, or Bria and Ari did anyway. The Tac-o-Matic 118 just fell.

*Thunk!*

The Tac-o-Matic turned on and started spewing the various baddies in the room with tacos.

The snakes hissed and drew back. The gremlins which had appeared ran back the way they had come. "It never said anything in our contract about fighting tacos!!!!"

The tacos went right through the ghosts though, with no visible affect.

Bria inched her way towards the Tac-o-Matic and hit a button. It stopped shooting tacos and became a vacuum. The ghosts shrieked as they were pulled towards the opening of the machine.

As the last of them disappeared, the machine shut off by itself.

Dracula snarled and attacked, knocking the guys nearest to him out. He fought his way towards the chicks in the room, who were grouped together.

"Bria! Ari!" Christina shouted. "Behind you!"

The two jumped on top of the Tac-o-Matic to avoid the lone monkey who had stayed behind. It chibbered and chabbered in anger and leapt up and down in rage. Ari looked at it point blank and suddenly, the monkey was thrown backwards to hit a wall and slide down, unconscious.

Dracula had by this time engaged Tig, Gaeriel, and Demos in battle. He didn't have a lightsaber, but he was still keeping his own.

He snarled and lunged with one taloned hand towards Tigergladys' face. She jumped back and swiped at him with her lightsaber. He ducked.

Ari and Bria climbed down and ran to help their friends. Carinae, Sa'rah, and Christina joined in as well. With the added help, Dracula was finally hemmed in from all sides by glowing energy beams.

"Now. We want our couch back." Carinae growled.

"Never!"

"Why are you so hot about it anyway?" Christina asked.

"Yeah." Gaeriel put in. "You could just buy one!"

Dracula paused. "Buy one?" The thought had never occurred to him.

"Yeah. Buy one. It's a lot easier than hiring a bounty hunter to go halfway across the galaxy to procure one for you and then bring it across who knows how many dimensions." Sa'rah added.

Tig nodded. "And probably cheaper too."

Lor watched this scene with horror in her eyes. When Dracula began to nod his head in agreement, she screamed. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

"So, we're done?" Dracula asked.

Demos nodded. "Yeah. We're done. Pleasure doing business with you."

They shook hands.

Dracula had agreed to return the couch so long as Demos agreed to sell him the same amount of shielding the SWC had boasted. They had set down to some heavy-duty haggling.

Lor slunk around in the shadows, disappointment on her face.

As part of the bargain, all the kidnapped men would be returned to their rightful place, though with a small sidetrip to the Lightsider's Club House for the belated movie party.

Only Genavee was complaining. "But I didn't get to blow anything up! It's not fair!"

Marlaryush, with Christina's Squiggle at a place of honor around her neck, glanced over at the ranting Sith Chick. "Um…better check her for explosives and weapons before we leave," she whispered to Kris.

Tigergladys showered Littlewhiskers with praise for stowing away with Lor and then waking up all the kidnapped hunks.

All the chicks welcomed Bria and Ari back among their ranks with open arms. They were going to be feasted and partied to near death for bringing the Tac-o-matic just in the nick of time.

And through it all, Anikan slept peacefully in Tam's arms.

Marlaryush looked over everyone. "Ok. We have a movie party to get to!"

Just before Sa'rah hit the button on her time machine, Carinae was heard arguing with Kris.

"X-men!" Carinae shouted.

"No!" Kris returned. "Braveheart!"

"No! No kilts! I want Wolverine!"

* * *

Sa'rah took her machine back from Lor and waves. "Buh-bye!" She hit the button and Lor shimmered away and disappeared.

Demosthenes sighed. "Well, that's over and done with." She looked over the Warty Room. Suzi was in a corner, pigging out on Yoda's special brownies. Mary had cornered Fox Mulder and was pumping him with about information about the next season.

"So, are you coming back???"

Mulder looked around for an escape route. "I don't know! I'm just an FBI agent!"

Several chicks were fighting over Brendan Fraser.

"He's mine!" Jerusha yanked on one arm.

"No!" Tam yanked back on the other.

Near the tug-o-Brendan, Carinae was snuggled up to Hugh Jackson. "So, how was it like, being Wolverine?"

Marlaryush stood up and cleared her throat. All the chicks looked at her. "I would just like to thank all of you for actually including me in one of your adventures." Pointed look towards Carinae who gulped and blushed. "But I would like to give a special thanks to two very special beings among us. Littlewhiskers and the Squiggle!"

The chicks and guys cheered as Littlewhiskers rode on the Squiggle as it hopped up next to the Listmom. She climbed off and both took a little bow.

"For your service and bravery, I award you the SWC Medal of Honor!"

More cheers as the medals were awarded.

Marlaryush straightened up again. "Now, as Listmom, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to set a cut-off limit to this party. At midnight, all the guys must be returned to their rightful places. Sa'rah will take care of it." She nodded to Sa'rah, sitting next to Ford Prefect. Sa'rah waved back.

She held up her hands at the groans. "I could move the time up," she warned. The groans instantly stopped.

Suzi looked up from her brownie binge. "Well then. I guess I'll just have to make the most of it then. She waded through the crowd and began yanking random guys away from chicks.

Cries of "Hey!" and "Give him back!" were left in her wake.

Kirin began chasing after Suzi, after Obi-wan was taken from her.

"Not a chance!" she called back. "They're all mine! Mine mine mine mine mine!"

Kris and Carinae sighed. "I'll get the straight jacket if you get the padded room ready," Kris said.

* * *

Boba Fett looked up as his apprentice appeared in the air before him. She wasn't exactly on the ground so she fell a few inches and landed on her backside.

"Omph." Lor grunted.

Fett looked her up and down. "What are you wearing? Where's your armor?"

Lor looked down on her vampire robes. "It's at the dry cleaners."

"Did you get paid?"

"No." Lor got up and rubbed her backside grumpily. "Those stupid Star Wars Chicks fouled everything up again.'

A pack of matches landed at her feet. Lor picked up them and looked towards her master.

He had resumed cleaning his work, but he still spoke up. "You'll get them next time. After all, third time's the charm."

Lor smiled. With a flick of her fingernail, a match sputtered to life. "Oh yes. Next time."

THE END