STAR WARS CHICKS EPISODE I:

BROWNIE WARS

By Carinae (aka Sammi)

*     *     *

Well, the time has come! Now you get to see why I was (and still am) gathering information.

Please feel free to send me the info still, even though I have started writing. And I apologize if you're not in this first part, but just tell me, and I'll work you in later on, because this is still way in progress. :) It's easier for me to give a bigger part to the people I know the best.

Please let me know if this totally sucks, and I should stop. :) Special thanks to Suzi and Christina for being brilliant.

_______________________________________________________________________

****PROLOGUE****
 

It was a normal day at the Sith Club house... Or at least as normal as one could expect.
 

Darth Suzi was crashed on the couch after returning from a hard day's work at Taco Han's. After preparing Nerf Burritos, and Bantha Cheese Chalupas all day for happy little Lightsiders, she was in a foul mood. She had gone as far as banning Taco's from the club house, which didn't make her master too happy.
 

Kris, the Almighty Sith Princess, Master to Sith Goddess Ka'ana Sul, was sitting in the floor next to the Great Sith Mistress Carinae, newly promoted Master to Darth Suzi, pictures scattered all around them. The pictures were of very attractive men, all of which were dressed in Kilts.

"No, no. Look." Kris urged Carinae, waving a picture of David Duchovny in front of her nose.

"I just don't get it!" Carinae told her again. "It looks like a *skirt*!"

Kris's jaw hit the floor. "WHAT did you just say?"

"Um... I, uh, I said... I have to go answer the door!"

[*knock, knock, knock*]

Carinae ran over to the door, feeling relieved, and opened it. The rest of the Sith gathered around behind her, visions of Pizza delivery boys danced in their heads.

But it was no Pizza delivery boy that stood at the entrance of their beloved Club house. Dressed in traditional Jedi Robes, it was none other than Christina. Jedi Princess Mrs. Christina Skywalker!

The Sith gasped in surprise. One of the things that was best about their Clubhouse was the fact that it could not be located, nor infiltrated by pesky Lightsiders, and their little Ewok friends.

Tam, also known as Mommy Vader, pushed her way through the throng of her Sithsters. She was one of many there that used to be a Lightsider, so she was far more equipped to deal with them than Kris or Suzi.

"Can we help you?" She asked Christina politely.

"May I come in?" Christina returned, matching Tam's tone.

Tam looked back at the rest of the Sith for their approval. They were visibly reluctant at first, but Tam decided that a Lightsider wouldn't seek out the Darksider's Clubhouse for no reason at all.

They led Christina into the clubhouse, but were careful not to get to
comfortable. They all kept their hands close to their lightsabers.

Some of the Darksiders sniggered, because as always, Christina walked in with her Squiggle at her side. It was black, and no longer than 15 centimeters, and it was *always* there.

There had been much speculation about this mysterious Squiggle. It seemed to hold some kind of power, but no one really knew. Some just said it was a glitch in the Matrix, others feared it... "Is everyone here?" Christina asked, ignoring the muted laughter.

"Where's my Apprentice?" Kris said, scanning the room.

"Mary is out in the Zoo." Becca, Sith Amazon Shamaness Queen, replied. "Seems as though all of the men in section B were planning to escape from their cages. Last I heard there was some major *ZAPPING* going on."

"Ah," Kris smiled, satisfied. "As there should be."

"Shall we start without her, or shall I go fetch her?" Becca asked.
 

"Run to the Zoo and see if she's finished. Thank you." Kris told her.

Becca exited the room, leaving Christina and the rest of the Sith sizing each other up.

Christina was only a tad nervous about being in a room full of Sith, because she knew for a fact that most of them were not hostile. But as long as her Squiggle was beside her, everything would be fine.

Becca returned a few minutes later, followed by Sith Goddess Ka'ana Sul,(though most still called her Mary), who was looking quite distraught and disheveled. "He... almost... got away!" Mary informed them, out of breath. "But... a man... is... no... match... for a .... Sith... goddess... He... must... repent..." She collapsed onto the couch, wiping sweat off of her forehead. "What's she doing here?!" Mary demanded, realizing there was a Lightsider standing before her.

"She apparently has something important to tell us, or at least she had better." Suzi explained, glaring at Christina.
 

Christina cleared her throat. "I need your help." she told them.
 

All of the Sith stared at her.

"Okay, not just me, we all need your help." She clarified.
 

Kris was the first to break the silence with evil laughter.
 

Christina turned red with anger, little puffs of steam coming from her ears, but then quickly started her Jedi calming techniques. "What is so funny?!?!"
 

"You-- The Lightsiders --Are asking for *our* help?" Kris choked out, between cackles.
 

"Well, yes, it really seems quite reasonable, considering the nature of the situation!" Christina shot back. "And I think it would be in the best interest of the Lightsider *and* the Darkisiders if you helped."
 

The Sith all looked at each other, and shrugged.
 

"Well, if it's really that important. Speak, Lightsider." Carinae told her, giving in. "Okay." Christina took a deep breath. She had never liked speaking to large groups of people. "Today, while I was meditating in my room, I had a vision. I was Card Captor Sakura, and I was chasing after a Clow card--"
 

The Sith began to giggle.
 

"Hey! Don't laugh!" She scolded. "So anyway, I was chasing the Clow card, but it wasn't a Clow Card at all! It was a Data card, and on it was the recipe for Yoda's Special Brownies..."
 

The confused Sith all looked at Christina skeptically.

She went on, "I knew that there was something wrong, so I checked the cupboard, when I came out of meditation, and the recipe for Yoda's Special Brownies was gone!!! And it was replaced by this--" She pulled a data pad out of her robes, and handed it to Tam.
 

Tam examined it, and passed it to the rest of the girls. It read:
 

[*Lightsider Twits, Missing something important, are we? Soon you will see major changes in high places, all thanks to your little green elf and his brownies. Should the order of the galaxy fall, you will have no one to blame but yourselves.*]
 

"So?" Kris said.
 

"Consider the damage that could be done if Yoda's Special Brownies were let out to the masses!" Christina exclaimed. "Someone could take over the Galaxy like this!!"
 

"Hahahaha!!!" came Suzi's reply. "Lightsider Twits? Hahaha!!"
 

"Yeah, well, without the recipe, you'll never get another one of those brownies again!" Christina turned her attention to Suzi.
 

Suzi looked like she was about to cry. She had been battling a love for Yoda's Special Brownies for a few months now, and was ever most distressed at the thought of never having that "Floating" feeling again.
 

By the look on her face, the rest of the Sith could tell that Christina had won Suzi over.
 

"Fine, we'll help you. But only because we don't want those brownies on the market, so that Suzi can have them whenever she wants." Kris sighed.
 

****CHAPTER 1****
 

After a fairly lengthy ride in a crammed Land Speeder, the Dark Siders, and Christina arrived at the Lightsider's club house to discuss what they were going to do to get the Brownie recipe, and try to figure out who had stolen it.
 

The faces of the Lightsider's matched or topped to looks of shock the Sith had had when Christina showed up at their door.
 

The DSers filed in, all cringing at the happy vibes the place was putting off. "Christina!" Jedi Sar'ah, the Ford Prefect Obsessed One, scolded. "You called the *Darksiders*?!"
 

"I had to!" Christina defended herself.
 

It was always interesting for the Lightsider's to see their former friends that had turned. They all sighed sadly and shook their heads as Carinae, Tam, and Mary, among many, came into the room. Once, they had been of the lightside...

Kris motioned for the others to remain silent, and stood in the front, facing the Lightsiders.
 

"Is there a problem, Jedi Sar'ah?" Kris asked quietly.
 

Sar'ah seemed to be staring through Kris, in some kind of trance.
 

"Hey!" Shouted Jedi Kirin from the kitchen, "There will be no Sith mind whammies in the clubhouse!"
 

Jedi Tera, and Jerusha stepped in between Sar'ah and Kris protectively.
 

Kris laughed, and released her mental grasp on Sar'ah.
 

"I didn't invite you here to bully." Christina snapped at the DSers. "Now, let's go up to the 28th floor, where we hold meetings, and decide what we're going to do."
 

The girls took the elevator up, and all took seats around a long table, in the Jedi Meeting room.
 

Anakin, Tam's baby son, sat in a playpen, and was just now developing the usage of Force Lightening. He was very cranky for it, too, because he kept *ZAP*ing himself in the foot. All the LSers knew he was going to be a powerful enemy when he grew up.
 

Jedi Marigold passed out Starbucks coffee to all of the Sith and Jedi, then took her seat as well.
 

"So. Do we have any clues, or anything?" Carinae asked, tapping her fingernails on the hard wood table.
 

"Just the message--" Marigold was interrupted by the beeping of the HoloNet.
 

She pressed the button, and a small version of a news reporter popped up on the middle of the table.

"Sources say that after excepting, and consuming, a plate of brownies from a mysterious 'Political groupie', Senator Borsk Fey'lya, while in a meeting, burst into uncontrollable giggles, and proceeded to slap whomever would walk by on the bum--"
 

Marigold quickly shut off the HoloNet, and the DSers flew into hysterical laughter. Some of the LSers couldn't help but join in (including Christina, who would only say "Hehehehe", but not *really * laugh), because the truth was, no one could stand Fey'lya.
 

"Okay, enough!" Jedi Sianna had to shout above the laughter. "Let's try to get back to business, shall we?"
 

"She's right." Tam said, trying to stop laughing, and wiping tears from her eyes.

"Okay, now our first step should be finding out who's doing this, and for that, we're probably going to need some information experts... Anyone have any suggestions?" Christina asked.
 

"Yes, I do." Said Elspeth Dodge.
 

"Yes, El?"
 

"Gaeriel. I'm sure she could find out something for us. She's been a great help to us in the past." Elspeth suggested.
 

The rest of the LSers voiced their agreements, and it was decided.
 

Elspeth, Christina, Mary, and Kris would go scouring nearby Cantina's for Gaeriel.
 

"What about weapons?" Becca asked.
 

"We have our Lightsabers." Jedi Tera reminded her.
 

"Nooooo!" Suzi piped in. "We need big weapons to blow crap up with!"
 

"Good point, Apprentice. If this person or persons is capable of...well... whatever this person or persons is trying to do, then think of what kind of man power, or woman power for that matter, that this person or persons may have. So even though I hate to admit that this person or persons may have the resources to kick our bums, I am just trying to think realistically in the fact that..." Carinae rambled. She was known to do that.
 

The chicks looked at her, annoyed, shutting her up quickly.
 

"I was just trying to say, she has a good point! Sheesh!" Carinae rolled her eyes, and sank lower into her seat.
 

"I say we look for Demosthenes Zarathustra." Said Mary.
 

The room fell silent.
 

"She's hard to find, very hard. But if she is who we think she is, then it's probably a good idea." Reasoned Jerusha.

The story of Demosthenes was something of a legend. She was very elusive, and everyone suspected she had once been known as the weapon's specialist, The Other Mara, code name: TOM. She would supply weapons of Mass destruction to the Sith and Jedi both, but for a pretty credit.
 

"Well, it's worth a shot," Christina decided. "Carinae, Suzi, Jedi Knight Teia Solo, and Marigold go to all the space ports and Cantinas to look for her. Sa'rah, Tera, Becca, and Jerusha, you girls check all of the more sophisticated Cafe's and such. The rest of you stay here. If things go as bad as I'm expecting, we'll probably need some backup."
 

Becca shot Kris a look that said *Holy gods, they're putting me on a team with three Lightsiders, and zero Darksiders?!?! What am I supposed to do?!?!*
 

Kris leaned over to Carinae, and whispered, "You think you could send your Wolverine clone along with Becca, just to ensure that nothing happens to out beloved Sith Amazon?"
 

"Sure." replied Carinae, as she pulled out a comm, and contacted her lovely Wolvie clone.
 

"Well, girls, I'm glad you have all decided to put your differences aside, for the safety and health of all the galaxy." Christina beamed. Her beaming was met with several uncomfortable, and disrespectful choking noises from both the DSer and Lser.
 

Christina rolled her eyes and sighed. "Let's get to work."

****Chapter 2****

The smell of brownies could not be mistaken, but even more recognizable was the smell of Yoda's Special Brownies. And had any of the DarkSiders or LightSiders been in this gargantuan castle, they would have been able to locate right away who has stolen the recipe.
 

Lucky for the culprit, the dark castle was devoid of both LSers and DSers, and this person was free to go about with it's evil bidding.

"Yes, yes," said this person, as it pulled another batch of the brownies from the oven. "Soon my plan will be in full swing! These brownies will be the down fall of the galaxy, and it will be mine! All mine! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
 

****
 

"Hmmmm... Mmmmmhmmmm...." Gaeriel seemed to be considering things.
 

Elspeth, Christina, Mary, and Kris had changed from their robes to something more inconspicuous. In shoddy Cantinas such as this one, Jedi made nervous patrons with itchy trigger fingers, more nervous, and made their fingers itch worse.
 

"It's going to cost you." Gaeriel said, finally, looking up at the four Jedi. "Why don't you chicks take a seat, and will talk about this over a bottle of Corellian Whiskey, and a rich discussion of the Vorkosigan Saga."
 

"Listen, we don't have time for this," Elspeth explained, plopping down in the booth, followed by the rest of the chicks. "You've heard about Senator Fey'lya, haven't you?"
 

"Ohh... Yes, yes, I have." Gaeriel folded her hands on the table top. "He's addicted now. Ordered two shipments of those blasted brownies today. Let me tell you, the smugglers are frantic! It's the next big thing! Forget about Spice, everyone wants those Brownies... Well, everyone in the high places, it seems."
 

"Can you tell us what System the shipments are coming from?" Christina asked, excitedly.
 

"Maybe..." Gaeriel replied with a small smile.
 

"How much?" Mary asked, glaring.
 

"Ten Thousand credits now, and if the leads pan out, I want five-thousand extra."
 

"What?! You don't even know if it's a reliable lead! And you want us to pay ten-thousand!?" Kris raved, jumping up from her seat. "You're out of your mind! Crazy! Stupid! Ya know, you should be in a lot of pain right now!"
 

Kris sat back down, and made small lightening bolts dance from finger tip, to finger tip, as if she was trying to intimidate Gaeriel.
 

"I do not negotiate." Gaeriel said firmly.
 

"Master, what choice do we have?" Mary whispered to Kris.
 

Kris hesitated, but knew her Apprentice was right. "Fine. Pay her, Christina."

Christina pulled out a bag full of credits, and slid it across the table to Gaeriel.
 

"Thank you, Jedi Princess Mrs. Christina Skywalker." Gaeriel grinned.

"Why do you call her that?" Elspeth asked, annoyed.
 

"Because, when she was going through that mid-life crisis, and wanted to change her name, I convinced her to keep it. I figure someone needs to put it to good use." Gaeriel explained. "Okay, anyway, the name of the system is Le'feu'et'explosifs. But it really won't do you any good to try and get there, because..." She trailed off.
 

"Because why?" Kris asked impatiently.
 

"Well, because it's heavily guarded, and because.... It's scary." Gaeriel admitted.
 

"Haha! Scary? Whatever is so sinister about it, I'm sure it's no match for me and my Sithsters!" Said Mary, smugly.
 

"Oh, I hope Teia and Marigold are having more luck than we are." Christina grumbled under her breath.
 

The chicks got up to leave.
 

"Hey! Don't forget to read the Vorkosigan Saga!!!" Gaeriel shouted after them. "And call me if you need anymore help!!"
 

****
 

Suzi, Teia, Carinae, and Marigold were having little luck. After being kicked out of three Catinas already, because Suzi had insisted on gathering up hunky men, and dancing on tables, none of them were feeling too optimistic. They were also short on credits, because Suzi had spotted a taco, and had used her TK to smash it into the cook's face.
 

In this particular Cantina, it was not Tacos that would warrant an outburst from Suzi. It was Tiger Gladys, sitting in a large booth, surrounded by her twenty-seven, kilted, body guards.

Tiger, otherwise called Tig, was so famous for her sensitive information that she *needed* twenty-seven body guards, kilts optional.
 

The thing that caught Suzi's eye was the twenty-seventh man, the only one that was dressed in Jedi Robes. The most *special*, and favorite body-guard of Tig... Corran Horn.
 

Suzi stared in the direction of Tig's booth, little drops of drool falling from the left corner of her mouth.
 

Carinae noticed the look on her Apprentice's face right away, and followed her stare, spotting Horn quickly.
 

Before Carinae could open her mouth, Suzi was walking briskly over to the booth. Her companions quickly followed, fearing the worst.
 

As Suzi and the others approached, twenty-six kilted bodyguard stood, waiting to take a blaster bolt for Tig, if need be. Corran remained seated, with his arm wrapped around Tig's shoulders.

"Darth Suzi." Tig acknowledged happily.
 

"Tiger Gladys." Suzi returned, not so happily. "Corran."
 

"Darth Suzi, nice to see you again." Corran greeted her all to formally.
 

Darth Suzi and Corran had a past. They had been high school sweet hearts, but on graduation day, Suzi had met Darth Maul, and left Corran in the dust.
 

Corran, heart broken, met Tig, and had been protecting her since.
 

Suzi was sure that one day she was going to steal Corran back, but after a nasty break up with Darth Maul, she wanted him too. She just couldn't decide.
 

Suzi's companions thought back to the time when Kris and Suzi had a knock down, drag out fight over Darth Maul, and certainly didn't want that happening right here, over Corran, with Tig. They couldn't afford to pay for the damage.
 

When Corran leaned over whispered something in Tig's ear that made her giggle wildly, and Suzi's ears began to turn red, Teia intervened.
 

"Oh gods, Suzi!" Teia exclaimed. "Do I smell *tacos*??"
 

Suzi whipped around, nose in the air. "Where?! I'll blow them up! All of them!" And she took off in the opposite direction, momentarily forgetting about stealing Corran. Her hate for Tacos grew every day.
 

Marigold, Teia, and Carinae dropped into the booth across from Tig.
 

"Think you could do us a small favor?" Carinae asked Tig.
 

"Sure, what'll it be?" Tig asked.
 

"Well, first of all, could you get rid of that blasted Twinkie weiner sandwich?? It's making me sick to my stomach." Marigold shuddered.
 

Tig handed her half eaten sandwich to Kilted Body Guard #7, and he quickly disposed of it.
 

"Okay, now what can I do for you, Sith Mistress?" Tig turned her attention back to Carinae.
 

"We're looking for Demos." She explained.
 

Tig raised an eyebrow at the girls. "Well, this doesn't sound too good at all."
 

"It's not," Teia confirmed. "Someone stole the recipe to Yoda's Special Brownies, and it's obvious that he or she has plans. Bad plans."
 

Tig laughed. "I'm a handler of *very sensitive* information. I *know* these plans, my dears!"
 

"Tell, tell!" Carinae urged.
 

"Only if you promise to buy all twenty-seven of my hunks brand new kilts!"
 

"Fine, done!" Carinae agreed hastily.
 

"Okay. The plan is to get all of the Galactic Senate addicted to Yoda's Special Brownies, which will make them so high and stupid that this person will be able to overthrow the entire galaxy!" Tig exclaimed dramatically.
 

"Smeg!" Carinae cursed.

"Yeah," Agreed Tig, "Sounds like a really contrived plot for an online fanfiction, doesn't it?

Once again, I just want to say thank you to everyone who has cheered me on. :) I'm having a blast writing this stuff.
 

Things I've learned: Spell checkers do not accept such important words as "Hunk", "hehe", or "haha", "Lightsaber" and "Mandalorian".
---------

****CHAPTER 3****

"Here she comes," Jerusha spoke into her comm, as she watched Demos cross the busy streets of Coruscant.
 

Tera was seated in the lush cafe that Demos was heading toward, waiting.
 

The chicks had asked around, and found out that Demos often came here for dinner, so Jerusha, Sar'ah, and Becca had all waited on appointed street corners as look outs, while Tera got the easy job.
 

The girls on the streets all met back up in front of the cafe, along with Carinae's Wolverine clone, whom of which kept calling everyone "bub".
 

They made there way through the crowds of people, and sat down at the table with Tera.
 

"What's the plan?" Sar'ah asked.
 

"Well," said Jerusha, "We wait until she gets out of the little girls room and we go over there and talk to her."
 

Becca stifled a laugh. "We *talk* to her? What a brilliant plan!"
 

"Yeah, Bub!" Wolverine added.
 

"I have a better idea." Becca said, rising from her seat.
 

"Becca, whatever you're thinking, forget about it. We don't need a Darksider messing things up." Tera snapped.
 

"Yeah, Bub!" Wolverine grunted.
 

"Shaddup!" Becca snapped, popping Wolvie on the back of the head. "You're supposed to be on my side, ya big, dumb ox!"
 

"What's an ox?" Jerusha, Sar'ah, and Tera all asked at the same time.
 

Becca rolled her eyes. "Nevermind."
 

And with that, she took off in the direction of the women's 'fresher.
 

She entered to see Demos standing at the mirror, applying lip gloss.
 

"Demosthenes Zarathustra?"
 

"Who's asking?" Demos replied quietly, not even looking over at Becca.
 

"I'm Becca, Sith Amazon Shamaness Queen...." Becca trailed off, as Demos turned to look at her. "And we need your help..."
 

"*We*? We as in...?" Demos leaned cooly against the sink counter.
 

"The Darksiders, and the Lightsiders." Becca told her.
 

Demos laughed so hard she was doubled over. "LSer, and DSers?? Together?? Hahaha!!! Are you chicks mellowing in your old age?! hahaha!!! I remember when I used to supply weapons for those huge battles in the Warty/Batty room! I made a killing-" She stopped, and clapped her hand over her mouth.
 

Becca's jaw dropped. "So you *are* TOM??"
 

"I...uh...no, um..." Demos stammered.
 

With new determination, Becca waved her hand, and said in a low voice, "I will help you..."
 

Demos repeated her words, her eyes glazing over ever so slightly.
 

Demos blinked. "Wait! Don't try that poodoo on me! C'mere you little sith-"
 

She grabbed Becca, and put her into a head lock, and began giving her noogies mercilessly.
 

"Hey, let go!" Becca squealed, slamming Demos against the wall.
 

But it was no use. Demos grabbed her blaster, and struck Becca over the head with the butt of it. She tossed Becca over her shoulder, and ran out of the door, through the cafe.
 

Wolverine was the first to spot the fleeing Demos. "Hey Bub! Come back here!" He cried.
 

The chicks and Wolvie raced after Demos, who jumped in her Land Speeder, and sped off.
 

Jerusha jumped into the drivers seat of their own speeder, and hauled tail. It didn't take her long to catch up to Demos' speeder, who was weaving recklessly through the busy streets.
 

"Give up now, you'll never win!" Jerusha shouted at the speeder in front of her, as she bumped into its rear end.
 

"You can't touch this, you meddling Jedi!" Demos shouted back, and hit the breaks.
 

The LSer's speeder crashed hard into the back of Demos'. They all jerked forward, but Tera used her TK to keep them all in place.
 

"Spite!" Sar'ah exclaimed, choking from their smoking engine.
 

Slowly, the LSer's speeder died, and hit the ground with a big *THUD*.
 

"Hahaha!" they could her Demos shouting. "I told you not to mess with ME!" She had turned around in her seat, and was waving a fist at them.
 

When she turned back around, it was too late. Right in front of her, coming up fast, was the Lightsider's Clubhouse.
 

Demos tried to put on the breaks, but there just wasn't enough time...
 

****CHAPTER 4****
 

"It had to be the monkeys." Darth Suzi tried to convince the other girls. "There's no way around this. Who else would want to take over the galactic senate?! No one, *besides* the little monkeys, with their sharp knives."
 

"There is no monkey." Said Ari importantly, from beside her.
 

Carinae, Christina, Ari, Jerusha, Sache, Kris, Suzi, Tam, Kirin, Sar'ah, Mary, Teia, Marigold, Sianna, Tera, and Elspeth were all gathered elbow to elbow in front of what used to be the wall to the third floor of the Lightsider's club house. The rest of the girls lurked in the shadows, and only watched what these few were doing.
 

"No, no." Mary shook her head. "It's a Government Conspiracy. It's time to put in a call to Maulder and Sculleia."
 

"Not so fast." Tam held up a hand, and walked over the the flaming pile of twisted metal that used to be Demosthenes' Speeder. "What is this?"
 

Tam reached into the back seat, and pulled out a small, brown, square. No, not a square. A brownie!
 

After getting a whif, Suzi leapt forward, and Sache and Kirin caught her in mid-air.
 

"It's one of Yoda's Special Brownies, all right!" Confirmed Sache, and she tried the keep a grip on Suzi.
 

"So what do you think Tam? Was Demos under the influence of the Brownies when she captured Becca?" Asked Sianna, who was trying to stay away from the flames, for fear it would melt her eyeliner.
 

Tam looked thoughtful. "Possible. But not what I had in mind. She's obviously working for the person or persons that stole the recipe."
 

"Of course!" Christina agreed.
 

"Yeah, bub!" Wolverine added.
 

"Let's get up to the medical floor, and see if she and Becca are awake." Kris suggested.
 

****
 

"I swear! I didn't steal that couch! No! Let go of me!" Becca groaned in her sleep.
 

Kirin, Teia, Christina, Sianna, and Sar'ah were all standing around her bed, giggling wildly at the sleeping sith.
 

"Should we wake her up?" Teia asked quietly.
 

"Nah!" The other four Lightsiders shook their heads.
 

****
 

Kris waved the Brownie slowly, close to Demos' face, until her eyelids fluttered open.
 

"Welcome back, Demos."
 

"How long was I away?" She asked sleepily.
 

"Not long, lucky for us. Look what we found in your speeder." Kris waved the brownie in her face once again.
 

"Oh, that old thing?" Demos smiled sheepishly. "That's um... That's just... Honestly, I have no idea how that got there."
 

****
 

"I love you too, Maul, but truly, my heart belongs to Obi-Wan." Becca was still talking in her sleep.
 

The Jedi surrounding her bed all looked at each other, wide eyed, as to say *did you just hear what I think I just heard?*, then all burst into uncontrollable laughter.
 

"Shhhh!!" Sa'rah urged. "I have an idea, don't wake her up!"
 

****
 

"Have you ever been interrogated by a Sith?" Kris asked Demos.
 

"No, I can't say that I have." Replied Demos, visibly unintimidated, and not breaking eye contact with Kris.
 

"Don't hurt her, Kris." Ari warned.
 

Kris and Demos appeared to be having a stare down. The whole room fell silent, waiting for the two to jump each other at any minute.
 

"I could really use some Nerf Milk with this," Suzi broke the silence.
 

Everyone turned at once to see her swallowing down the last few crumbs of the Special Brownie, that had only seconds ago, been in Kris's hand.
 

"The beauties of TK." Suzi smiled, and quickly left the room before anyone could threaten to restrain her.
 

"Anyway!" Kris cleared her throat, and turned her attention back to Demos. "Who are you working for?
 

"I don't give away free information, Sith!" Demos spat. "I'm just like everyone else in this Galaxy. I work for whoever pays me the most."
 

Kris sighed, and turned to Mary. "Go get Christina, Apprentice."
 

****
 

Mary eased quietly through the door to Becca's temporary quarters.
 

"No, Sianna, it has to be *warm* water!" came a low whisper. "Yeah, now just put her hand in there-"
 

"Hey!" Shouted Mary, drawing out her Lightsaber, and spotting Christina, Sar'ah, Sianna, and Kirina kneeled down beside Becca's bed. "Get out of here, you pesky Lightsiders! Shoo! Out with you!" Mary scolded, waving her Lightsaber about.
 

The LSers took off out of the room, still giggling.
 

"Hey, wait Squiggle Girl!" Mary called.
 

Christine paused, and turned around, fuming. Her squiggle had turned a bright shade of pink.

"Kris wants to see you. Hope you have your checkbook handy." Mary grinned.
 

****
 

Mary helped Becca into Demos' quarters. She was doing well, but had a pretty bad bump on her head.
 

By the satisfied look on Carinae's and Kris's faces, Mary could see that negotiations were coming to a close, and had probably gone well.
 

"So you don't know her name, but what does she look like?" Carinae asked, ready to jot down the description.
 

Demos smiled slightly, and spoke the two words that brought fear and dread into the hearts of all that were standing in the room. "Mandalorian armor."
 

Carinae gaped. "And what planet did you say that Gaeriel said, Kris?"
 

"The Le'feu'et'explosifs system. Ring any bells?"
 

"French!" Mary exclaimed.
 

"What?"
 

"That's french, for 'Fire and Explosives'!! It's just all run together." Mary explained.
 

And suddenly it hit them all at once. The person, or persons, trying to
overthrow the Galactic Senate was none other than....

Okay, I hope this works. My e-mail is being quite spazzy. It says 184 Messages-4294967295 New. LMAO!
 

Anyway, I, as always, would like to apologize for inaccuracies in character, not giving you enough "screen" time, and/or, not putting you in the story at all, and spelling errors. I would also like to apologize to Lor in advance by saying, I am sorry that you are probably going to get your butt kicked in the end of this. ;)

Things to remember before reading: I am a scatter brain. I have Napster running, so I cannot run this through a spell checker. Tig and Gaeriel *still* have the best lines. This is just a big spoof of us, so if you appear stupid, don't complain, you are supposed to appear stupid.
 

Thank you's: First of all, I'd like to thank the Academy... :)
 

----------------------------------
 

****CHAPTER 5****
 

Tam put in a special call to List Mommy, asking for the usage of the Corellian freighter, the 'U.S.S. SWC'.
 

Although no one really knew what the "U.S.S." stood for, it just sounded really cool, and it was fun seeing if anyone would forget an "s" or two.
 

List Mommy approved, and while Tam, Carinae, Suzi and Christina were up in the cockpit trying to figure the thing out, Kris stayed in the back to brief the rest of the chicks on what they needed to do.
 

Gaeriel, Tiger Gladys, and Tig's Twenty-Seven Kilted bodyguards arrived baring Frappucinos, Mynock and Mushroom pizzas, and blue prints.
 

The blue prints were of Le'feu'et'explosifs' sewers, which held the power generators. A team would have to go down into the sewers, set up some thermal detonators, and...
 

"But for what?" Kazzi interrupted.
 

"Because," Gaeriel began, "we have to take out the Power generators, so the security to the palace will be down, giving another team the chance to get inside, take back the recipe, therefore thwarting the evil plan to take over the galaxy!"
 

"And plus, we need that really cool, obligatory, explosion!" Tig added from her side.
 

Gaeriel shrugged, "Hey, you can't argue with that."
 

"But what about capturing and jailing this evil villainous?" Tera asked, taking a swig of her Carmel Frap. "You seemed to have forgotten that part..."
 

"Oh, no I did not." Gaeriel assured her, shutting off the holo blue prints. "I'm just not crazy enough to try and capture a Pyro chick, in Madalorian Armor, that just so happens to be the Padawan to Boba Fett, and for all we know, as much as she hangs out with them, could also be a *vampire*! If you want to try, by all means, try, but I will have nothing to do with it!"
 

The chicks all looked at each other, all of them dreading this a little more now.
 

"Oh, and ah, one more thing. There's Rancors in the sewers. Gotta go!" Gaerial turned on her heel, and ran towards the exit.
 

"Wait!" Ordered Mary. "*What* did you just say?"
 

Gaeriel turned back around, smiling nervously. "Rancors... In the sewers... They're guarding the generators."
 

"Oh gods." Mary groaned, her face in her hands.
 

****
 

"There's an unidentified ship in orbit, Apprentice." Boba Fett told his Padawan.
 

"I was expecting this." Lor-Alla said, stirring up another batch of Brownies. "I'll take care of it, if you don't mind."
 

"Of course, Apprentice. I'll go back to bed and get some more beauty sleep... er.... Forget I ever said that." Boba left.
 

Lor-Alla walked over to the kitchen cabinent, and pulled out a box of matches. She sat down at the table, and began striking them absently. It was time to make the next move, she decided.
 

"Raziel," She called. "Ready yourself for dinner. Company is coming."
 

****
 

Sianna, Mary, Teia, and Marigold stood on the empty streets of Le'feu'et'explosifs'. They were all staring at the open man hole...
 

"You go first." Sianna urged Mary.
 

"Ha! No way, Lightsider scum!" Mary shot back.
 

The Lightsiders glared at the lone Sith.
 

"Fine, fine." She mumbled under her breath and slid into the man hole.

The Lightsiders followed, and before they new it, they were all up to their knees in Sewage. Mary lit a Glow Rod and truged forward, while the LSers behind her switched on their lightsabers for safety.
 

"How far down do we have to go?" Teia asked Mary.
 

"Not too much longer," Mary whispered. "And try to keep quiet, we don't want to wake the-"
 

"GGGGGRRRRRRRR!!!!"
 

"Rancor!" Mary choked.
 

They could feel it's hot breath, and see it's beady little eyes glaring at them.

"GGGGGRRRRRRR!!!!"
 

It was so loud, its booming growl nearly knocked the chicks off of their feet.
 

"Don't move." Sianna said, bravely.
 

The girls did as she ordered, and Sianna cleared her throat began to sing, "Night-time sharpens, heightens each sensation . . .Darkness stirs and wakes imagination . . ."
 

Teia shot Mary a paniced look. "What in the worlds is she doing?!"
 

"Silently the senses abandon their defenses . . ." Sianna was still singing.
 

"I.. uh, I don't know. She does have a lovely voice, no?" Said Mary, as she begin to hum along.
 

["Slowly, gently night unfurls its splendour . . . Grasp it, sense it - tremulous and tender . . ."]
 

"Hm, yes, she does." Teia agreed, and hummed along too.
 

"Teia!" Marigold snapped her finger in front of her friend's face.
 

"Teia, Marigold, go set the thermal detonators! Mary, sing with me!" Sianna said quickly between lines. And then continued, "Turn your face away from the garish light of day, turn your thoughts away from cold, unfeeling light - and listen to the music of the night . . ."
 

The Rancor had sat itself down on it's hind legs, and now cocked his head ever so slightly, listening intently to the sound of Sianna's voice, which was now being joined by Mary's.
 

Teia and Marigold eased their way silently around the Rancor, and ran into the tunnel that held a large generator. They could still hear Mary and Sianna singing...
 

"Close your eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams!" They were getting very enthusiastic.
 

*****
 

Teia and Marigold worked there way through each tunnel, carefully placing the detonators underneath the power generators.
 

Fifteen minutes passed, and time was ticking away quickly, so they ran as fast as they could back to the main tunnel to see Sianna, Mary, and Rancor exactly where they had left them.
 

"I gave you my music . . .made your song take wing . . .and now, how you've repaid me: denied me and betrayed me . . ." Sianna sang dramatically. "He was bound to love you when he heard you sing . . . Christine ... Christine ..."
 

The Rancor was now sobbing, huge tear drops splashing into sewage. Teia and Marigold stared at it, astonished. Mary and Sianna were too caught up in singing to notice that they had returned.
 

"Let's get out of here!" They shouted, grabbing the two singing LSers by the arms, and dragging them toward the exit.
 

They were just about to the man hole, when there was a huge blast, followed by a monstrous fire ball.
 

There was no way they could make it out of the sewer on time. They dived into the water.

The sixth chapter is a bit short, but I want to keep a steady flow going. I really want to finish this, but at the moment I am finding it extremely difficult to smile, much less write a humorous story.
 

If anyone cares to know why I am in such distress, it's because today, on the finale lap of the Daytona 500, my very favorite race car driver, Dale Earnhardt Sr., was killed when he crashed into the wall at 185 miles per hour. I have had the pleasure of attending two races that he was in, but unfortunately, I never got to see him win. I just went through this not even a year ago, when 19 year old racer Adam Petty died. It seems to always be my favorites. ::cries::
 

--------------------------------------
 

****CHAPTER 6****
 

The man hole covers on the street shot into the air, fire chasing behind them.
 

"Okay, it's done. Let's go!" Shouted Christina, whom of which was in full Commando-Jedi robes, and her Squiggle had opted for Camo.
 

"Ooooooooh, pretty..." said Darth Suzi, dazedly, staring at the roaring flames.
 

"Come on!" Carinae shouted, grabbing her Apprentice by the arm, and running to catch up with Christina, Kris, Tera, and Kirin.
 

Christina used her green Lightsaber to cut the door to Lor-Alla's castle open. All of the Chicks were surprised to see that the interior of the dark castle was empty.
 

****
 

"Poodoo!" Marigold shouted, standing up.
 

"Exactly!" Sianna replied, wiping sewage water out of her eyes.
 

Teia and Mary also stood up, trying to wipe they sewage away, and they had no desire of learning what it was that they were picking out of their hair.
 

"GGGGRRRRRRRRRR!!!"
 

"Okay, time to go!" Marigold started to make a run for the exit.
 

"Wait!" Sianna said, moving toward the Rancor that was lying on its side. "It's hurt."
 

"Well, that means it can't eat us. Let's go." Mary snapped, taking Marigold's side.
 

"But... I think it's kind of sweet." Sianna told them, as she waded to the injured Rancor's side.
 

"Sweet?" The others said in unison.
 

"Yeah, I mean, you saw the way it was crying when Mary and I were doing 'The Phantom'. He's a little intimidating at first, but he's really just a big softy."
 

Sianna stroked the Rancor's face.
 

"Well, he is kinda cute in a way..." Teia commented, making her way over to Sianna.
 

Mary sighed and shook her head, then looked thoughtful.
 

"What is it, Mary?" Marigold asked, as she watched Mary began to frantically check all of her pockets, and inside of her boots.
 

"Littlewhiskers!"
 

"What about her?"
 

"She's gone! She was in my pocket, and now she's not!" Mary paused and looked down her shirt. "My autographed eight-by-ten of David Duchovny in a kilt is missing too!! What shall I do?"
 

Just then, they heard the frantic cries of a horrified Rancor.
 

Mary and Marigold both used the Force to enhance their vision, and could then see a Hamster scurrying all over the Rancor. The Rancor appeared to be extremely frightened by Littlewhiskers.
 

"Hey!! Get your Apprentice off of my Rancor!!!" Sianna demanded.
 

Marigold and Mary shared a laugh, then Mary levitated Littlewhiskers off of the beast, and back over to her pocket.
 

****
 

"To the kitchen!" Kirin ordered.
 

The others followed her.
 

"Do you think that is where Lor will be?" Tera asked, walking along side Kirin.
 

"Maybe she will, maybe she won't, but I just had the urge to whip up some Double-dark-fudge-super-duper-creamy-cheesecake-brownies, with whipped cream and Hershey's milk chocolate shavings on top." Kirin replied, eager to get to the kitchen.
 

"Sounds good!" Kris said, drooling behind them.
 

"Carinae, where is your apprentice?" Christina asked.
 

"Oh, she is checking out some of the other rooms. She promised to alert me right away if she found anything." Carinae waved to her comm. "Nothing to worry about... Er... yeah."
 

The chicks reached the kitchen finally. It reeked of chocolate and
"Specialness", and sitting at the counter, with an almost empty box of matches, was Lor-Alla.

"How absolutely wonderful of all of you to join me!" Said Lor, in her British accent.

"Give us back the recipe, you crazy psycho!!" Carinae said, stepping forward.
 

"Wow! You're really good with verbal intimidation!" Christina snapped
sarcastically.
 

"Crazy Psycho, huh? Smegging right!" Lor laughed. "And I will *never* hand over the recipe. This Galaxy will be *mine*!!!"
 

Kris and Christina both drew their Lightsabers. So did Lor.
 

"It's go time! I'm gonna kick some booty! I'm gonna lay the smack down!" Kris shouted enthusiastically.
 

Lor blinked. "Wwwwaaaiiittt." She said, shutting off her Lightsaber.
"Conveniently, I have this really cool Catwalk out back. So I was thinking, it would probably be more exciting, and much more atmospheric if we fought on that, instead of in the kitchen... What do you gals think?"
 

Kris and Christina exchanged glances, then nodded their heads in agreement. The three girls ran for the Catwalk.
 

****
 

Tam sat straight up in her bunk. She had had a dream... No, not just a dream... A vision. She jumped out of bed and ran to the cockpit of the U.S.S. SWC.
 

Kazzi, Becca, and Supreme Overlady of Infinity and Beyond, aka, Smispe A. Kewas, sat in the cockpit playing Sabaac, when Tam ran in.
 

"The girls are in trouble!" She exclaimed breathlessly. "Smispe!? How did you get here?!" "Oh, I was feeling left out, so I hopped on my ship, and came for a visit. I sure didn't know the whole Galaxy is in danger!" Smispe explained.
 

"Well, something is wrong down on the planet. Anakin and I will go see about it." Tam turned to leave.
 

"Hey, wait!" Kazzi got up from her seat and ran after Tam. "You and *Anakin*? Anakin is just a baby, what can he do?"
 

"Anakin is well on his way to being the most powerful Sith that this universe has ever seen! He can do plenty!" Tam shot back, as she gathered Anakin up from his bed.
 

"Becca, take us down to the planet quickly!" Tam shouted over her com.

****CHAPTER 7****
 

Darth Suzi was lost. It was times like these that earned her the nickname "Padawan Mihoshi". She walked down dark hall after, after dark hall, but saw nothing... But a whole lot of darkness.
 

She heard rumors that Lor-Alla kept a bunch of Vampys in the castle, and hoped against hope that she would run up on a room full of them.
 

But it wasn't Vampys that Suzi ran into. No, not at all. It was Monkeys. Monkeys with Tacos.
 

****
 

Lor, Kris, and Christina were engaged in vigorous battle. Lor was a fierce opponent, the two (C)(K)ris's soon discovered.
 

"You want some of this?" Kris asked, as she cut low with her Lightsaber, intending on taking Lor's feet off.
 

But Lor jumped high in the air, and flipped over backwards, narrowly escaping Kris's blade.
 

Christina was behind Lor, ready to strike just as soon as she landed, but Lor was prepared. She spun on the ball of her foot, jumped again, and landed a two footed kick firmly in Christina's chest.
 

Christina flew backwards across the catwalk in much pain. Her Lightsaber rolled over the edge, but she quickly reached out with the Force and caught it.

"Hey! I'm the only one who is allowed to treat a pesky Lightsider like that!" Kris shouted in anger, then let out a Xena-like battle cry, and charged at Lor.
 

Lor calmly and coolly stepped out of Kris's path, and stuck out her boot to trip her. It worked quite well. Kris went tumbling right into Christina.
 

"Muahahahaha!! You can't beat me!" Laugh Lor, as she began to walk away. "Not only am I trained in the Force, but in the ways of the Almighty Fett!"
 

"Oh yeah?" Kris snarled as she got to her feet. "Well, I've seen 'The Matrix' two-hundred and seventeen times!"
 

And with that, Kris began running, and leapt into the air.
 

Lor turned around, but as soon as she did, she found herself unable to move. Kris, who was hanging in front, and slightly above her was also frozen. She had a smug grin on her face, and when time started back up, she let out a "Hi-yah!", and kicked Lor in the face.
 

Kris landed gracefully back on her feet, and bowed.
 

Christina jumped up and ran to Kris's side, applauding enthusiastically.
 

"That was great, Kris! Who knew could manipulate time and space, and all that jazz!" Christina gushed.
 

"Oh, it was nothing! Just a little trick I learned while-"
 

"GGRRRRAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!" Lor was coming at them, foaming at the mouth like a rabid bantha.
 

Christina jumped into action, and pushed Kris out of the way, but it was at a great cost.
 

The girls heard a *squeak*, and then a small *whimper*. All three looked down onto the catwalk, and saw Christina's beloved Squiggle, lying there, pale and severed.
 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Christina howled, as she ran over to take the Squiggle in her arms.
 

"Ummm...." Said Lor nervously, as she looked down at the Squiggle, over to the sobbing Christina, and back up to the snarling Kris. "You people don't really mean any harm! You're just all jealous brownie junkies! Admit it!"
 

Lor realized that she was probably only making matters worse, and was also beginning to realize just how high in the air that the catwalk really was.
 

"Did I say the wrong thing??" Lor smiled at Kris. Kris glared at Lor. "Uh, er, by the power invested in me by Fett, be gone!"
 

Kris, nor Christina moved.
 

"Whoa. We're really high, up here, no?" Lor tried to make friendly conversation.
 

"Yes, we are. I bet it would hurt if you were to accidentally TRIP AND FALL!" Kris yelled.
 

"Wait! Lor shouted. "You can't kill me!"
 

"Why not?" Kris asked, looking dissappointed.
 

"Because....um.... Turns out Boba Fett is your...er... Third cousin's
ex-husband, and your, uh, niece Tina's dad, so um, if Fett and I ever marry, that, er, means I will be your cousin! Technically. In law. Once removed.... Er yeah! That's it!" Lor explained, backing up.
 

Kris stopped, shocked. She fell to her knees on the catwalk, and gripped her head. "No! That's not true!" She cried. "It can't be true!!"
 

"Yes!" Lor said with a sigh of relief. "I mean, yes, yes, it's very true. Who woulda thunk it, eh? I guess we'll see each other at family reunions! See ya!" Lor ran across the catwalk, and through the door, back into the castle.
 

****
 

"It's a trap!! It's a trap!!" Screamed Suzi, as she tried to find her way back to the kitchen.
 

Behind her were hundreds of tiny monkeys. Some sporting knives, others sporting Tacos. Most of them were making monkey noises, but some of them seemed to be catching on to basic. They chanted: "Suzi. Come to us. Be our Queen, Suzi. It is your destiny. You will never escape the Tacos, Suzi."
 

This chant, this horrible, horrible chant encouraged Suzi to run harder and faster, but the little buggers were fast! They began to throw the Tacos at Suzi, which made her very angry. They were messing up her super-spiffy Sith outfit when there were hot Vampys around! How could they?!
 

Suddenly she could smell Kirin's Double-dark-fudge-super-duper-creamy-cheesecake-brownies, and she knew she was almost there.
 

She ran a few more meters, and she finally reached the entrance to the kitchen.
 

Kirin, Carinae, and Tera all looked up from their huge plates of Brownies, at the very winded Suzi.
 

"The Monkeys... She knew... My weakness..." Suzi heaved. "Trap... Must
leave...."
 

The monkeys caught up to Suzi. A few were trying to climb up her legs.
 

"Get off of me, you damn dirty apes!!" She screamed.
 

The other girl jumped up and ignited their Lightsaber. This was about to get messy.

I am totally on a roll tonight! Looks like I might actually finish this story. :) Maybe even tonight! Unless I am crippled by cramps again. Ugh!
 

Oh! And I want to say a special "Happy Birthday" to our wonderful villainous, Lor. Even though, technically, her birthday was yesterday. :)
 

Enjoy!

-----
 

****CHAPTER 8****
 

Menucca and Tam stood in the one of the many hallways of Lor-Alla's castle. It seemed as though the whole castle was just a bunch of hallways!
 

Kazzi and Smispe had been able to talk Tam into taking Menucca with her, for extra protection. Tam knew she was a good enough Sith to be able to handle whatever tasks might come at her, all by herself, but she also didn't want the other girls to worry. So if by taking along a pesky Lightsider helped everyone up on the ship rest, well then so be it.
 

The two were keeping their eyes fixed on a very young boy who was sitting in the middle of the hall. It was Tam's son, Anakin. He was having quite a good time levitating his stuffed Mynock in the air.
 

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Menucca asked, concerned. "He awfully... small."
 

"Size matters not!" Tam said, then clapped her hand over her mouth in horror. "Oh gods! Did I just quote Yoda there?" Tam was disgusted with herself.
 

Menucca was finding it quite funny, though. She too had clapped her hand over her mouth, to stifle her hysterical laughter. "Ooooooh! Wait till your Sithsters hear about this! Hahaha! I *so* set you up for that one! Hahaha! You took the bait!! I can't believe it! This is a crazy night indeed!"
 

"Hey! No one hears *anything* about this! I know where you sleep!" Tam snapped.
 

She quickly fell silent when she saw a figure approaching her son.
 

****
 

Lor was heading to her Master's room when she saw something small sitting in the middle of the floor. She approached it with caution, it could have been a dead monkey for all she knew.
 

It was no dead monkey, in fact, she wasn't quite sure what it was, but is sure was cute, she decided.
 

"What a cute little Munchkin!" Lor cooed, as she kneeled down in front of Anakin.
 

Anakin giggled in return.
 

Lor sat down in front of him. She had never seen anything quite like him. She spent most of her time in her castle, living with guys that were thousands of years old. All adorable, but in a different way.
 

"Why don't you come and meet my Master? I bet you would make an excellent Apprentice." Lor held out her arms.
 

Anakin grinned at her mischievously, and held out his arms too. Just as Lor was about to pick him up, Force Lightening shot from his finger tips, and threw Lor into the air.
 

Anakin giggled louder at the site of a Mandalorian armor clad vampy chick, being suspended in the air.
 

Tam and Menucca rushed into the hall from their hiding places. Tam beamed with motherly pride, and Menucca's jaw hit the floor in shock.
 

Anakin turned Lor upside down, and began shaking her until her helmet fell off, then dropped her onto the floor.
 

Menucca and Tam looked on in shock at the unconscious girl that lay before them. It wasn't too often that they saw Lor without her helmet. Her lips were slightly parted, and as Tam and Menucca approached, they could see Vampire fangs.
 

"So it is true!" Menucca gasped.

Tam didn't answer. She was too busy watching Anakin as he crawled over to Lor's discarded helmet.
 

As he reached it, Anakin then stuck his little hand inside of it, and pulled out a data card.
 

"Well, I'll be Kessled." Tam said in astonishment.
 

She rushed over to her son, and took the card out of his hand. She searched her robes for her data pad, and slipped the card in.
 

Menucca watched intently, as a big grin spread slowly across Tam's face. She knew what was on the data card. She knew it was finally all over.
 

****
 

"Take that, you little skanky arse primate!" Suzi yelled, as she kicked another tiny monkey across the kitchen, as if it were a football.
 

It was a tough battle. Kirin, Carinae, Suzi, and Tera were all covered in Taco grease, and just as they thought they were winning, hundreds more Taco monkeys poured into the kitchen.
 

The girls were now almost backed up against the wall, their Lightsaber gleaming. It was amazing how strong the Taco Monkeys were.
 

"They'll never take me alive." Suzi told her Master.
 

"Don't worry, Suzi," Carinae assured her. "We'll stick by you to the end. Right, pesky Lightsiders?" Carinae looked over at Tera and Kirin.
 

Tera and Kirin exchanged glances, and nodded. "Right." they agreed.
 

"Come to us, Suzi." Taco monkey #1 said.
 

"Be our Queen, Suzi." Said Taco Monkey #13
 

"We'll take good care of you, Suzi." Taco Monkey #345 chimed in.
 

Suzi shuddered visibly. "This is just way too creepy!" She whined like Luke Skywalker.
 

Tacos began to reign down on the once more, as they tried in vein to knock them out of the way with their Lightsaber blades.
 

Carinae would have preferred blaster bolts to this, any day. "It looks like this is it!" Carinae cried, as the Monkeys continued to press closer.
 

"What's that?" Exclaimed Kirin.
 

"What's what?" Tera asked.
 

"I hear it too!" Cried Suzi.

"GGGGRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!"

"It sounds like...." Carinae paused.
 

Suddenly a monstrous creature crashed into the entrance of the kitchen, knocking in the door facing. Pieces of wall flew everywhere.
 

"A rancor!" Carinae choked, waving her hand in front of her face, trying to clear the dust.
 

Taco Monkeys ran about screaming, trying to lift large pieces of ruble from their.
 

The dust finally cleared, and Tera, Carinae, Suzi, and Kirin could see four figures sitting atop the Rancor. It was Sianna, Mary, Teia, and Marigold.
 

"C'mon! Climb on!" Urged Sianna, from the Rancor.
 

"They must be insane!" Said Tera. "Riding a RANCOR?!?!"
 

"He's a nice Rancor." Explained Marigold. "His name is Brb."
 

"Brb? Isn't that 'Be right back'?" Suzi asked in confusion.
 

"No, it's pronounced 'Berb'." Margold glanced down at Carinae, who was laughing.
 

"Good choice." Carinae commented, giggling.
 

Marigold giggled too, and said "Thanks."
 

The rest of the Chicks looked at Carinae and Marigold in confusion.
 

"Long story." Carinae said. "Lets go."
 

Carinae climbed on, and the rest followed her.
 

The Monkeys were getting angry once they realized that the Chicks were getting away. But certainly not angry enough to chase a Rancor!
 

"We'll find you, Suzi!" They screamed after her. "You belong to us!"
 

****
 

The two (K)(C)hris's walked dejectedly down the halls of the Castle, not even really caring if they ever found the exit. Christina was lost without her Squiggle, and the prospect of being related to Lor-Alla, to Kris, was a fate worse than Carbonite freezing.
 

"This has been the worst day of my life." Stated Kris. "Well, other than that time I was drunk, and I accidentally picked up Wedge Antillies in a bar..."
 

Christina looked over at Kris with wide eyes.
 

"And come to think of it, that wasn't really that bad at all." Kris went on without noticing the look of shock on Christina's face. "Boy, he was a feisty one, I tell ya-"
 

"STOP!" Christina cut Kris off. "Ever heard of 'TMI'? It means 'Too much information'! and if you don't shut up, I have a strong feeling that we are going to have a major TMI moment!!!"
 

"Sheesh, pesky Lightsider!" Kris held her hand up. "Don't get all worked up."
 

"I'm sorry," Christina sighed. "I'm just worried about my Squiggle. I don't know if it's gonna pull through." She motioned to the Squiggle she now carried, in two pieces, in her hand.
 

"Don't worry, kiddo." Kris put a comforting hand on Christina's shoulder. "If we can ever find our way out of this Castle of halls, everything will be fine."
 

"Thanks, Kris." Christina sniffled.
 

"Anytime. You know, for a LSer, you're not that bad." Kris admitted.
 

"You're not that bad yourself." Christina repaid the compliment.
 

"Hey!" Kris shouted, elbowing Christina in the ribs. "Take that back!! I am to bad!!!"
 

"Oh! Oh, right yeah. You are bad!" Christina corrected herself. "The baddest of the bad."
 

"That's what I thought." Kris said, satisfied.
 

--
 

Kris and Christina continued walking for a few more minutes, until they heard, "Psst!"
 

They instinctively pressed themselves against the wall, and reached for their Lightsabers.
 

"Kris, Christina! It's me, Tam." Tam whispered loudly.
 

Kris and Christina ran around the corner to see Menucca, baby Anakin, Tam, and a knocked out, helmet-less Lor-Alla.
 

"We the recipe to Yoda's Special Brownies!" Tam whispered excitedly. "Or should I say, Anakin found it!"
 

"No freaking way! Finally!" Kris squealed.
 

"Shhh!" Menucca urged her.
 

"Why? Why are we whispering?" Whispered Christina.
 

"The Vampire stories about Lor are true." Menucca explained. "We want to be far, far away when she comes to."
 

"Agreed." Said Christina.
 

"Yeah, so let's haul." Tam said, picking Anakin up.
 

Menucca pulled out her comm. "Request emergency pickup from the U.S.S. SWC. The recipe to Yoda's Special Brownies is now in possession. I repeat, we have taken back the recipe to Yoda's Special Brownies."
 

The announcement was followed by loud cheers. It sounded as thought every SWC was waiting by the comm to hear that news.

Well, friends, this is it! The end! I hope you have all enjoyed reading this story, because I know I have enjoyed writing it!
 

I want to apologize to those who had small parts, in comparison to others. It was really hard for someone like me to keep my thoughts straight, much less stick everyone in this story. If I forgot you, please forgive. Leading roles were not chosen by favoritism. It all has to do with activity on this list, and/or who well I know you off list. I love you all equally, rest assured.
 

I'd like to say thank you to the inventors of the Spell Checker, Thesaurus, and Dictionary.com, for those are three of the best things a writer can have. I'd also like to thank The Man Up Stairs :), my mum for letting me stay up till 5am so that I could write, and alllll of the Chicks for being such good sports (Lor especially) and showering me with bundles of glorious feedback. You have all kept me going with this. Your support is so appreciated. And I am sorry all of us in this story couldn't be as cool as Kris.
 

So enjoy, and let me know what you think!

----
 

****CHAPTER 9****
 

Upon returning to the U.S.S. SWC, all of the girls were so exhausted, that they slept the entire way back to Coruscant.
 

Once they were home, all of the girls met back up at the Lightsider's Clubhouse. The Chicks that hadn't gone to Le'feu'et'explosifs, had decorated the main floor of the Clubhouse with Multi-colored streamers, and balloons. There were folding chairs lined up in front of a make-shift stage, and kilted clones danced atop tables, and massive buffets of food were set out.
 

"Wow! This is wonderful!" Tam praised to masses of Lurkers that had set up the banquet.

All of the SWC took their seats, and Mary was the first to take the stage.
 

"Okay, I have a couple of announcements here." She said absently, staring at a piece of paper that she held in her hands. "First of all, I found my autographed 8x10 piccy of kilted David Duchvony!!!" She squealed.
 

Kris, Suzi, and the rest of the kilt lovers all stood on their chairs, and "Woooooooohoooooo!!!!"'ed.
 

"Yes, yes," Mary continued. "Unfortunately, it was stuck to Brb's foot, but I was able to dry it out, and everything is just spiffing!"
 

The SWC cheered.
 

"Thank you." Mary said, politely. "Now, onto the next order of business...." She paused, and stared at her paper for a moment. "Oh yes, Jedi Princess Mrs. Christina Skywalker? Could you join me on stage here?"
 

Christina walked nervously onto the stage.
 

"Where's your Squiggle, dear?" Mary asked.
 

Christina reached into her pocket, and pulled out a handkerchief, then hesitantly handed it to Mary.
 

Mary unwrapped the hankie, and pulled out the two pieces of the squiggle. She walked over to the podium, and laid them there.
 

Mary then ran off stage briefly, and when she came back, she was holding a large roll of Duct tape.
 

Some of the crowed laughed, some cheered, and some held their breath wondering what she was about to do.
 

"Christina," Mary began. "Duct tape is kind of like the Force. It has a Darkside, and a Lightside. And it binds the Universe together."
 

She paused, and pulled off a long piece of the tape, and wrapped it around the middle of the Squiggle.
 

The Squiggle hopped back up into the air, and immediately took it's usual place beside Christina.
 

The crowd erupted in applause.

"I can't believe this! Thank you so much, Mary!" Christina gave Mary a big hug.
 

"Anytime." She hugged Christina back.
 

They separated, and Christina excitedly hugged her Squiggle, then left the stage.
 

"Thank you." Mary said, trying to calm the loud crowd. "My work here is done. I will now turn the stage over to Tiger Gladys and her Twenty-Seven Kilted body Guards, Gaeriel, and Demos for a special presentation."
 

Mary bowed gracefully, blew kisses to the crowd, and left the stage.
 

Tig, Tig's bodyguards, Gaeriel, and Demos flooded onto the stage, all pulling a large something, with a sheet over it.
 

The SWC cheered as they entered.
 

"Thank you." Gaeriel said, into the microphone. "After hearing the story of the Evil Taco Monkeys that several of our brave SWC had to fight, Demos, Tig, and I have come up with a method that will not only fend off Taco Monkeys in the future, but turn their own evil obsession against them. Tig, go ahead." Gaeriel instructed, tossing the microphone to Tiger.
 

"We would like to introduce to all of you, and Suzi especially, the *Tac-o-Matic 1138*. Blast down your arch enemy with icky, greasy Tacos!" Tiger announced, as Demos yanked the sheet off of the machine.
 

It looked like a large sugar canister, with a barrel on it. It was bright red, and had Tac-o-Matic 1138 in big, snazzy writing across the side.
 

Tiger handed the microphone to Kilted Bodyguard #18, who handed the
microphone over to Demos.
 

"It's still only a proto-type, and quite cumbersome to carry around, but I have been working restlessly on a smaller version that you will be able to wear like a back-pack. By the time those Taco Monkeys come for Suzi in her sleep, she'll be able to jump right up, and blast them away!" Demos smiled.
 

The crowd applauded, obviously impressed, as the thirty of them rolled their creation from the stage.
 

Carinae ran onto the stage, looking extremely unorganized as usual. She dumped a pile of papers onto the podium, and began frantically rummaging through them.
 

"Ah, testing." She tapped on the microphone, not even looking up.
 

It replied to her with loud feedback. The crowd groaned and covered their ears.
 

"Oh! Oh, sorry sweeties!" Carinae apologized, still not looking up from what she was doing. "Where... Is... it...Oh here! Okay, Hi!!!" She said, finally, pushing her hair out of her eyes. "Okay, first thing's first. Whoever is driving the Purple speeder bike, with Nine Inch Nails stickers all over it; You left your lights one, your battery is probably running down, *I'm not* giving you a ride home, so you had better go take care of that." She announced sternly.
 

Jedi Sa'rah grinned sheepishly, and slipped out of the room.
 

"That's what I thought." Carinae laughed. "Next order of business. Kris, I called the DSer's clubhouse to check the messages. Darth Maul called. He said, and I quote; 'Hey there, sweet thang! Tango classes tomorrow are moved from 3:30, to 1:30, so don't forget! Also, quilting circle has been running long the past couple of weeks, so I may be late for the Scrabble tournament at the YMCA. Other than that, be sure to wear your sexy Robes Friday night, and I'll bring the Ready Whip!'"
 

All of the SWC burst out laughing, except for Suzi, who was fuming with anger.
 

"Don't move, Apprentice," Carinae ordered, sensing Suzi's pending outburst. "Or those Tenchi videos are mine, *before* you get the DVDs."
 

Suzi glared at Carinae. "Oh yes, almighty Master." She mumbled sarcastically.
 

"Now, for the reason I am really up here tonight." Carinae cleared her throat. "It is my pleasure to present to Jedi Tera, Jedi Kirin, Jedi Christina, Darth Suzi, Kris, the Almighty Sith Princess, Jedi Marigold, Jedi Teia, Jedi Sianna, and Sith Goddess Ka'ana Sul, otherwise known as Mary with an extremely high honor. The Purple heart of Bum Kicking and Bravery. You all played pivotal roles in recovering the recipe to Yoda's Special Brownies, and saving the Galaxy. You've shown that Jedi and Sith can work together, when all of our butts are hanging over the Sarlaac pit. Come up on the stage."
 

The nine girls filed onto the stage. Carinae placed a medal around each one of their necks, and hugged them.
 

"Now, last, but not least by any means, it is with much excitement that I present to Tam, also known as Mommy Vader, and her beautiful son Anakin the Gold Medal of Honor. You two really did a great job. Your Galaxy thanks you." Carinae paused and motioned for Tam and Anakin to come up on stage.
 

Then she placed individual medals around their necks, and hugged them also.
 

The crowd leapt to their feet, applauding, and cheered at the top of their lungs. This truly was a night for celebration. And you can bet that the SWC took advantage of every moment.

 ****EPILOGUE****
 

Lor-Alla sat next to Boba Fett on 'Slave 1', box of matches in hand.
 

"They will pay. And that's a promise." Fett told her.
 

"I know, Master. And they shall pay soon." Lor agreed. "They will never even know what hit them."
 

Boba and Lor laughed evilly, before speeding off into Hyperspace.
 

****
 

Christina was making her way back from the kitchen with a glass of warm milk in her hand. It had been a long, fun party, and she was ready to get a lot of sleep.
 

"This way."
 

Christina turned around in the dark hallway, as soon as she heard the whisper.
 

"Ow! You ran over my foot, you big oaf!"
 

"Haha!!!"
 

"Shhhh!"
 

Christina had a bad feeling about this. She ran down the hall toward the whispers.
 

"This shouldn't be so hard, it's not like we haven't done this before!"
 

Christina entered the main living room, and was shocked at the scene before her.
 

Becca, Mary, and Kris, dressed in their P.J.'s, where now in the process of....
 

"Unhand that couch!!" Christina screamed.
 

Kris, Becca, and Mary all looked up like Nerf-in-the-headlights.
 

"Push harder girls, let's go!" Shouted Kris.
 

****
 

And so, it was a normal night at the Lightsider's Clubhouse... Or at least as normal as you could get in the land of The Star Wars Chicks.

THE END